I’ve had the busiest week. This is the first time that I have had time to sit down and write. Well I’ve requested all my medical records for my medical retirement, just waiting on the offices to call me to tell me to pick them up.
We are getting ready for our Savannah vacation next week. We are excited to get away together. But making sure the house is ready for us to be gone for a week has been a little draining. Plus I got my infusion on Monday, so the last few days I’ve been dragging. Then yesterday I got a shot in my hip so that’s been sore. Sir has been taking it very easy on me. Making sure I rest and not over do it.
Today, I have to meet a friend for lunch, work on writings, work on cleaning my office and basement, and clean the kitchen floors. Yes this is a list that I have made for myself and it may be a little too much. But we will see how much I get accomplished.
So I know a few posts ago I had suggested that I would give Sir a “send off” every morning. Well I’ve been doing good the past few days. However, last night I was just thinking about the sudden change in my life with medical retirement. Giving up my career that I’ve worked so hard to get. The air felt so heavy and I was unable to sleep and I believe I was on the verge of having a panic attack about everything. Sir tried to calm me by holding me and telling me that it would be alright. Eventually my mind settled and I fell asleep. I must have been sleeping hard because I didn’t wake up to Sir’s alarm clock as usual. I woke up when I heard him getting dressed in the other room. I quickly jumped up and asked him why didn’t he wake me up to give him his send off and he kissed my forehead and told me to go back to sleep. He said that he realized I had had a bad night with a lot on my mind. He said he didn’t need his send off this morning. My heart melted. He put his own needs aside (because I know he loves that send off), just to let me rest. It made me smile and I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I could feel his love all around me and it calmed me. I feel into a deep sleep before he was even out the door for work.
When I finally woke up I realized how much I love Sir. How he’s been there for me the past 8 years through everything. He’s always going to be there and I think taking the journey into our D/s relationship again is only going to make our bond stronger and I want that so badly. So I guess this post is just about feeling the love from your Dominant. I definitely felt him taking care of me last night and this morning.
Well I said I would keep everyone posted on what’s been going on with my health and work situation. So today I spent most of the day on the phone and at our human resources office. So here’s what I found out:
1. Medical retirement-wise: I have to gather all my medical records to turn in (there are a lot). They are mailing me the entire disability medical retirement packet. There is a form that my doctor has to fill out, there’s another form that my supervisors have fill out describing my work duties. They told me how much I would get if approved, which is a lot more than I thought I would get.
2. Social Security Disability-wise: I made an appointment next week to begin filing for that. I need all my doctor’s contact information. They told me how much I will get if approved, which is a nice number.
Good thing with my retirement and social security I will get $20 less than what I make currently working which is good. Now’s time for the hard part getting all the information together to get approved for both. I see my primary care doctor on Friday and we will talk about it seeing for the Social Security Disability he will be the one filing that paperwork out.
People with legitimate illnesses get denied every day for social security disability. The worker told me on the phone that documentation is everything. The more medical documentation you have, the more likely you are to be approved for it. I have plenty of documentation, trust me. I have 9 specialists that take care of me.
So here it goes…I’m a little less relieved knowing more information about both systems. I am not proud to have to do this, I wish there was another way. I wish I could work. I wish I didn’t have the diseases that I have. But I do have them and it’s time to stop pretending I don’t need help.
But it will be a good thing. I keep telling myself. I will be home more and able to serve Sir, so that’s always a plus. Just wanted to drop a line and update the people that were concerned about my health and the decisions that I had to make.
Ok, this is going to be a long post, sort of vanilla but it ties in to my D/s life. So I am forewarning you, its girly, but its about an important part of my life. My career.
So since we have decided to have a D/s relationship, the plan has always been for me to eventually to leave my career and stay at home so we can really be a 24/7 D/s couple. Actually that has been the plan before we started to get into D/s. As I have mentioned before I have Lupus and I’ve been diagnosed with it for 3 years. Been in my career for 6, so this happened after I started my career. My career is physically demanding and it is starting to weigh on me…literally, my body isn’t able to keep up anymore. Currently I am off work because my liver enzymes are elevated and my GI doctor has ordered some tests to find out the cause.
My workplace is struggling a little bit because they have 3 people on sick leave right now (not really my fault or my worry). However I do understand their frustration but to pick at me and suggest that I am abusing sick time (I have doctor’s note for every time I am absent for work) is just childish and unfair. I’m so tired of all the politics involved with my job. I’m tired of peoples attitudes towards me because I have a chronic illness. Me and Sir think its time for me to throw in the towel. He doesn’t think I need to put up with the stress that they cause because it is not good for my health. I will have to put up with their discrimination and sideways glances for the rest of my career if I decide to stay. I don’t really know if I can deal with this type of stress and keep my Lupus under control. Ok, so easy decision, right???
Wrong….and here’s why. Its pretty much financial but I’ll break it down for ya…For 6 years I’ve paid into our state retirement system. I am unsure if I retire medically (which I am eligible to do) how much of my retirement I would get. I was trying to make it to my 10 year mark that way I would get my full pension if I retired medically. With only 6 years in the system, I don’t know how much I would get. I know I wouldn’t get medical benefits if I medically retired now. I would still be covered under Sir’s work insurance but with me having a chronic illness, I need as much health insurance as I can get. I also have a couple of direct sales businesses that I could put my full energy in those and make extra money that way. I sell Nerium and Thirty-One.
If I medically retire, I would also be eligible to apply for disability. However you have to be out of work when you apply for disability. So we would have to be able to survive for a while on Sir’s salary and whatever I would get from medical retirement. Can we do that now? I’m unsure right now. Sorry I’m getting into a lot of unsure territory here but this is best venue for me to try to clear my head.
I am unsure how a lot of these things work, so this week I will be looking into all that by calling our state retirement systems to see how a medical retirement works, then I will call the social security disability office to know what I need in order to apply for it as well. I will also be talking to my doctor next week about filing for disability obviously he would have to be on board but I know he will be. He’s been very concerned about me working.
The last 24 hours I have been so stressed out thinking about the options. I have a constant headache, but hopefully everything will work out. I will keep you all updated on the progress.
Ok, so today I’m really into my doggies. I had a great training session with them earlier. They are so smart and because they are like my children, I have to brag about them. Presco is an international champion, he’s got his endurance title (AD), His Beginner Novice title (BN), His Rally Novice title (RN), and his Canine Good Citizen title (CGC)… His name officially is Int. CH Hendrix Von Haus Sonnenstrahl CGC AD BN RN…. We are currently working on getting his Novice title. Here’s some pictures of him:
Baby Presco born 9/12/2010. Here he is in Germany with his breeder Balazs Hodos.
Here he is as an adult. My pretty lil German boy!!
At a show in 2013, where he got his Beginner Novice title. So proud of him! We are a good team.
Wearing his CGC title medal….
Here he is laying next to his mommy and with his mommy. This is how we sit in the recliner..lol
Sir had this done for me, its all of Presco’s ribbons from his Beginner Novice title. He got 1st place twice, 2nd place once, and 3rd place once. Theres his certificate from AKC on earning his Beginner Novice title. I hope to do the same with Novice title, he has one leg towards his novice title.
And now for my female, Miss Heidi. Her parents are from Finland but she was born here in the U.S. she may have a terrible bite but she has more heart and love than any Boxer I know. She has her Canine Good Citizen title (CGC), Rally Novice title (RN) and her Beginner Novice title (BN). She was born 5/15/2011.
Getting her Beginner Novice Title!! So proud of her
Lounging. She my Heidi girl. She’s now training in Agility, she has way too much energy for Obedience.