Real Life Sets In….

So, today I volunteered to do domestic violence scenarios with our latest recruits. It was nice but made me miss being a police officer so much. Is there any way I can come back? Is all I kept thinking. I was talking to all the other role players which are sworn and my friends. They were saying it sucks that the department didn’t make accommodations for me because they’ve done it before. They all suggested I talk to our FOP President and see what can be done.

Well I finally heard back from him after having a glimmer of hope that I might be able to return to my position as a sworn police officer and be put off the street. He said it was impossible. The department does not have to accommodate me, and they probably won’t even entertain the idea because the need right now is on patrol. If I can get medically cleared totally it’s the only way. To go back to patrol and apply for detectives positions and hope I get one. Don’t know if my doctor will agree to that.

I should just let it go. Stay where I am. I just can’t let go. This was my dream for such a long time. I haven’t even turned in all my stuff yet. I will when I’m ready I guess. I just need to face facts. I am no longer a police officer and that part of my life is over. Get used to being in the civilian world and helping out the recruits when I can.

Its just been a really weird emotional day and Sir is working a double shift so I will be by myself all night with the doggies. Sometimes I hate being by myself. Especially when I feel so down. Maybe watching a good scary movie will help change my mood.

“My Dog is better than your dog”….

Not really. I’m not snobbish like that but there are some people out there like that. I ran into them at this weekends American Boxer Specialty. So I will give you a play by play, with pictures….

So Friday I worked 6-2 so I could get on the road. I got home got me and Capone packed for the weekend and headed to our destination. We got there and in our room about 8:30pm. Our roommates Christina and Killian got there around 9:00pm. Me and Christina went to the hotel restaurant for dinner leaving Mr. Capone and Mr. K to catch up with each other since their last visit in February.

Saturday, we started bright and early because Obedience started at 9am. Capone was entered in Beginner Novice, which didn’t show until around 10 but I wanted to get there and watch my friends compete. It was very nice. We did not qualify in Beginner Novice because during the Sit Stay and walk around the ring Capone thought I was walking out of the ring and ran to follow me. But here are some pics from that day:

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And here are some pics from Rally Novice (in the afternoon)…It got a little chilly so I put on a jacket and if you haven’t noticed it yet, look at what I’m wearing around my neck (above, you can’t see it with the jacket on)…..We qualified in Rally Novice for our 2nd leg (you need 3 legs in order to get your title)

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Capone did really nicely in Rally. But on Sunday he really did nice. He qualified in Beginner Novice…here are some pics of that..

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And Rally Novice..We qualified and Titled.. Capone is now Int. CH Ciceron Kamenicki RN..

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All in all it was a fun weekend. Did run into one problem but we got her straightened out. I know a lot of people don’t there don’t like the fact that I have a European dog but hey my dog is awesome and I don’t care. Don’t be coming up to me talking about how bad my dog is because he’s European…fact check: the Boxer was originally bred in Europe dumbass! Ok I’m a end my rant there. But I did see a lot of old friends and made some new ones. I was very much impressed with Capone’s performance for him being only 11 Months old and not having any training the whole month of April he did a good job. Wish I got to stay the entire week instead of just the weekend. Oh well, it’s Monday and back to real life of work..ugh!!! Happy Monday!

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The Hustle and Bustle of Life…

It’s hard being a submissive/slave with the hustle and bustle of life. At least I am finding it hard. Sir has postponed protocol until we have time to sit down and discuss my rules since I am working now. It’s awkward not doing things but to be honest between getting used to a new job and the dogs and being in the hospital for the month of April it is a relief.

I took my collar off when I had my mid life crisis (Mid-Life Crisis…) so I haven’t worn it and honestly I think that is what might be bothering me the most. I don’t feel like a submissive because I don’t have my collar on and I don’t have time to be a submissive right now. But after this weekend, things should be getting back to normal and hopefully I’m stronger and we can sit and talk and return to protocols. I miss them.

I just decided to write this small post because I’m sitting here at work and it is dead. This is my last hour and I know it’s going to go by slow. Sir said we would talk tonight before I leave for the dog show in Indianapolis (a two hour drive). Hopefully he will allow me to wear it.

So what else is going on, well it’s also Derby weekend here in Louisville. Yep we are the city that parties for two weeks straight only for 2 minutes of horse racing. Brings in a lot of celebrities. The Pegasus Parade was yesterday and guess what we had a double shooting. Some 14 year old piece of crap gang member shot two people for a gang retaliation. Ok for one this kid was stupid as hell does he not know the entire police department was at the parade minus the minimums that was on the beat. I mean you shoot someone in the middle of a parade surrounded by officers you are gonna get caught. So with the whole world watching us this week because of the Derby, we have a double shooting, how embarrassing for our city!

I am very excited about going to  The Power Exchange Summit. I think both me and Sir will benefit from the classes and the experience in general. I really want to meet Dawn the co-creator of the event. I was supposed to go to a submissive intensive that she had put on in April but I was in the hospital and couldn’t go. I was so upset. But here’s a second opportunity to meet her. She’s a slave and I follow her and husband/Sir teachings. They wrote a book called “Living M/s” check it out, its a really great book. I read it in like two sittings, I was that much into it. Well I think I’ve written as much as I can for now. Look for a follow up post about this weekend and how Mr. Capone does. Have a great weekend guys!!!

2016 Goal List—Update

Remember in January I made a post entitled 2016 Goal List Do-Over…. Where I put some goals for that I had for 2016. I also said in three months that I would give an update how I am doing on these goals. Well here we go…

Physical: I’m not really eating healthier. I am cooking more than I was before but not 2-3 times a week due to getting used to my new job and being at a desk for 8 hours, ugh! I did have a month stay in the hospital in April. Which is why I did not write a lot during that time.

Career: This whole section has changed drastically. I am now a Crime Analyst for our police department. It’s a $4 pay cut but it still offers insurance which is what I need badly and I still get to use my degree. So from Monday-Friday 8-4 I am working at our police headquarters. So that has put my dream of a kennel business on hold. I am still training. I will be training a puppy sometime starting in June. A high school friend of mine also has a dance school and is in need of dance instructors and I applied for that. The more money I make the more I can put towards my future business.

Dog Goals: Presco earned his CD title in March. We are going to go for Rally Advanced title in June and July. Heidi got her RA title in January. We are going to start on her Rally Excellent title in June and July. I may try to get her CD, I think she might be ready for that. Our working Boxer klub has been put on hold for a second. All members have been insanely busy but we are hoping to meet this month and work our dogs.

Life: Well I’ve tried to stay in better contact with my friends. Always feel like I am bothering them though even though they say I’m not. We haven’t really been active in the BDSM community at all this year. We plan on going to things but the weather is bad or we are too tired. But we really gotta get back into our community. Our rules and protocols will be changing due to me getting a job. I have had a reader ask me to post what a day in my life looks like. Once we get the new protocols and rules in order, I will make a post concerning that.

Travel: Is going perfect, I am going to the Boxer national this weekend. We are going to The Power Exchange Summit in Columbus, OH at the end of the month. In June we will be going to a USA BOX show in Wisconsin, Capone will be trialing in Conformation. In July I will be going back to Columbus, OH for Thirty-One Conference.

Financial: Going in a totally different direction as well. With all the debt that me and Sir have acquired (mainly me) we both have decided that filing Bankruptcy is our final option to start over. However we don’t qualify for Chapter 7 because we both make too much money. So we have to file Chapter 13, which is a repayment plan. Creditors will be repaid in full but not at the interest rate that they want. We have a great lawyer that’s guiding us through the process. The whole repayment plan will be a 5 year deal and a payment that we can afford. If you are young and reading this make sure you get your finances together and don’t fall in the trap of credit cards, they are the devil. They will do nothing but hurt your credit or cause you to be obsessed with them and get too many like I did.

So overall my thoughts about my personal growth so far is “life happens”, all the plans I had kind of changed because of getting this new job, hospital stays, etc. You can plan out how you want your life to go but in the end it can change within a blink of an eye so don’t get so caught up on plans. Again in another three months I will make another update concerning my personal growth.

Loss!

21. Cancer. 3 year Battle. Christian. Funny. Life-Loving. Encouraging. God-Fearing. Beautiful. Graceful. Dancer.

These are only a few words that describes a friend I lost recently. Her name was Katie and she was only 21 years old. We were in small group together at our church. 3 years ago she was diagnosed with Cancer. I watched her battle this disease ferociously. She always had a smile on her face and God in her heart. She always had nothing but encouraging words for everyone. She was just a great person. And I don’t mean that in the sense that “She’s gone”…I REALLY mean she was an extraordinary person. Someone that I looked up to. I know that’s funny to say because I’m 31 years old and she 21, but I did.

I was so upset because when I got the news that she had passed I was in Rehab for my legs. I could not leave to attend the services. Sir went to the visitation. He said it was sad when he went to go see her in her casket because it was the first time he’d ever seen her not smiling. I guess in a sense I am glad that I did not see her like that. My last memories of her will be of her smiling and being the sweet Katie that she was. She is no longer in anymore pain and she is finally Cancer-Free.

I hate Cancer. It took my Mom, My Dad. Ok, so my parents were older they had lived their lives. Katie was 21, she had so much life to live. So many things that she would never get to do. My heart hurts for her family. Her parents, how horrible it must be to lose a child. Especially so young. So many people were touched by Katie. When she walked in a room, it was like she radiated this light and when you met her you realized that that light was her love for God. Until the very end she wasn’t afraid. She knew where she was going, to be with Lord and she wasn’t scared. She is now dancing in the streets of Gold.

I will miss Katie. But I will see her again! It’s not goodbye, its see ya later!

TGIF!!!

Yes!! Thank God It’s Friday!!! I’m glad I can say that and it actually be Friday. With my last job my “Fridays” were normally during the week, like Tuesday or Wednesday. Not anymore now I have Monday-Friday 8-4 gig. But any who, Today  was my first day back since my 3 week hospital stay. I was sluggish, yeah. And it took me a while to get myself together. I had over 700 emails I had to check. Plus I had to leave in the middle of the day to get my Benlysta Infusion. I was hoping that my infusion would help me feel a little better. But it didn’t. I still felt tired and heavy, and my voice sounded awful because of the cough I’ve had for the last 3 months that I can’t get to go away. Doctors said it’s because of my lung disease and I probably will always have it. Ugh! It reminds me of my father. He had a terrible smokers cough and when I was little and had dance recitals on video tape you could always hear him coughing and it was a little embarrassing. Although no one knew who it was coughing it was dark in the audience but in my little mind everyone know it was my dad. Anyway, so now I have a cough that annoys the crap out of me.

We have no big plans for this weekend. Normally when I get my infusions the next few days are required rest because I’m so tired. Sunday I plan on having Capone out training all day. First we are going to go to Rally @11, then Schutzund Training @2. So Saturday I will be resting all day, which is good I hear it’s supposed to rain all day anyway.

Things are slowly getting back to normal with me and Sir. We went to dinner tonight and grocery shopping together. We are talking to each other more. I think a start over was something we really needed. We plan to dig a little more deeper into our roles and find out what works for us and what doesn’t work for us. We will revisit our contract and my rules and make them a little more conducive to our life. When we first made them I wasn’t working and now that I am we need to take that into account. So look for an updated rules section soon.

I plan on discussing certain topics again on the blog soon, once life falls back into a comfortable place. Right now I’m still trying to get caught up with work, dog shows, and normal life. Hope all of you are doing well!

 

 

 

Mid-Life Crisis…

Whew! Well A LOT has happened since I last wrote. I have pondered back and forth wither or not I should write about it all. Because it is a lot. But here goes.

Apparently I have had a mid-life crisis and tried to convince myself that Sir wasn’t the right person for me and that I needed to be divorced and start all over again. So much that I even went to talk to a lawyer. I shared my “feelings” with Sir and of course he was heartbroken. After a couple days of living in awkward silence, I finally saw my therapist and she gave some exercises to do and things to think about. I realized that I was having a mid-life crisis or something like that. How could I ever think about leaving my wonderful Sir. WTF? I mean really? He is the perfect man for me. He is honorable, loyal, and he’s my best friend. That was purely the devil trying to break us apart…and he almost won.

When I went to tell Sir, I ended up in the hospital. I had a bad Fibromyalgia flare and could not walk. I was admitted to the hospital and put on heavy pain meds and steroids in 4 hour shifts. I decided I was going to tell him anyway. But I had to make sure that he knew that it wasn’t the pain meds talking. That it was me. We have decided to start over again…our D/s and everything. We admitted we both have issues that we need to work on but together we can get through it. I was in the hospital for 3 days before being transferred to a Rehabilitation Center to get strength back in my legs so I can walk again. I am currently still here in Rehab. Sir has been up here every single day after work and taking care of the dogs.

We seem to be starting things slowly. Once I get home and things get back to normal, I believe we will be ok. Currently I can walk again without a walker. But I am now trying to build up endurance because I cant walk for very long without having to take a break. I have PT and OT 3 times a day each. So my day is pretty much filled up and in the evening Sir comes and has dinner with me and we watch tv for a while. I am scheduled to be discharged on Wednesday.

So hopefully will be writing more as well. Missed writing so much. But have been a little busy.

New Job!!

So, I started my new job yesterday. I am so excited about having a desk, lol. I have my own L-shaped desk. I’ve never had a job where I’ve had my own desk before. So yesterday after my first day, I b-lined it to staples and bought out everything pink and black…yes, my desk will have a theme.

So mostly today and yesterday was spent watching training videos and talking to my co-workers. All of them seem very nice. I was feeling very blessed today working…until I realized the pay cut difference. I’m going from make $24.50 an hour to $17.30…a major pay difference. But I have to look at it like this too…I am getting health insurance, and access to our wellness center. It’s just going to be very tight with us trying to pay off some bills. But once we get some bills paid off it won’t be so tight. We are just going to have to watch money for the next couple of months.

Also I thought even when I was off from work I would get up pretty early. Like 7 or 8, but now I have to get up at 6am in order to get dogs fed and myself ready for work. These past two days I have been dead dog tired. So I didn’t put into account that I would have to get used to getting up so early and actually going into a job.

Which means I may have to take a break in showing dogs. I will have to focus just on Capone and Furi and maybe try to get Presco’s CD title another time. I am showing him and Capone this week at a cluster of dog shows. From today’s training sessions with both dogs, we are going just for practice apparently. Both boys seem distracted and just not giving me the time of day. Tomorrow night we have Obedience run throughs at the training center so we will see how Presco does with that. But I’m not expecting a lot from them this weekend.

So this week, I’m trying to train dogs for a show, and get used to going back to work, training for new job, and turn in my old job equipment among other thing. Needless to say I’m definitely going to need my coffee this week….

Busy Week ends with Beatings…Hopefully!

Well, it’s going to be a doozie of a week for Ellie. Let’s go over Ellie’s busy schedule…..

Monday- had therapy appointment which i had to take puppy to because it was followed by training class, did some training with other dogs, then had another training class with puppy that wore me the hell out. I was the youngest person in the class but my stamina is terrible. I swear I heeled 5 miles with the puppy.

Tuesday- had to do thirty-one stuff. Mail out my hostess packets and get my junk ready for my March parties. Which had taken most of the day. And study for test on Thursday.

Wednesday- training class with Presco at 8:30 at night, will be working with him throughout the day so he does embarrass me in class, LOL. Studying for Excel test on Thursday. Need to also pick out what I am going to wear to take my test. This is all very important things lol.

Thursday- Hair appt at 9:00AM, Excel test at 1:30PM (please wish me luck!), Dr appt at 2:30PM.

Friday- Get Ready for Beat My Valentine!!! Woohoo!

I’m so excited about this weekend, its like I get to have a mini vacation after all the stuff I did. I hope to learn some new kinky tricks and hopefully Sir will play with me both nights while we are gone. I haven’t decided which collar I am going to wear or even what outfits I’m going to wear. I guess that’s why I have all day Friday to get it done. Two days dog-free woohoo. So Excited! I think Sir secretly is excited too but he’s not showing it. He has to be the cool, calm, Dom…LOL.

Vanilla Life Update…with a side of kinkyness

Well it’s been two weeks since my last post..wow! It’s been a little busy around here lately. So I applied for the Crime Analyst position and I met the minimum requirements for the job so that means I move on to the next phase which is taking the Excel test next week. I will be honest I will have to seriously study for this because I haven’t used Microsoft Excel since I was in college which was about 8 years ago…so…yeah…. I got a great online study guide though. So hopefully I should be ready.

Sir has been working a lot here lately. But we are keeping up with each other. His work is weird, he has to pick out his 2016 vacations (he gets 4) by yesterday. So Thursday night we sat down and planned our annual vacation and times I would probably need him to be off. In June our working Boxer Klub is co-sponsoring a show in Wisconsin. He’s going to be off for that. I’m Vice-President of the club and he is on the board. I am excited about that. I would like for him to go to the Boxer National Specialty with me in May but he can’t get off the first week of May seeing as it is Derby week here in Kentucky. In October we are going to New Orleans which is our annual vacation.

Puppies are doing great. We still have 4. At the end of the month I will be showing two in a conformation show in Ohio. March I have the Kentucky Cluster of Dog shows I will be showing in. I entered Capone in Rally Novice, so hopefully he will get that title. I’m entering Presco as well for his Novice Obedience title. I only signed up for the shows on the weekend on the off-chance that I get this job.

Wednesday night we went to our communities weekly coffee. We hadn’t been there in such a long time. It was nice catching up with some of the subs. Today was a sub lunch but I could not attend. Me and another sub signed up for a sub intensive day in Columbus, Ohio. She’s been in the lifestyle for over 20 years and she said she heard that it was a good intensive. Its on a Saturday all day. They are only accepting 20 subs. They like to keep it relatively small. So I’m really excited about attending that. Beat My Valentine is coming up next weekend and Sir and I are excited its finally here. Can’t wait to experience our first large gathering of kinky folk. I will definitely be writing about the following week.

Friday I had my Lupus Infusion so today I’m not feeling too well. Had a bad night, couldn’t get to sleep for anything. So today I’m just resting. Had some training sessions with the pups and that’s about it. I feel a little weak and tired.

I guess at the end of March is when I will update my goals section and see what I have accomplished so far in the year. With the possibility of this new job coming up, a lot of my goals have a changed a little bit.