Didn’t really know what to title this piece so D/s I guess will do. Recently our D/s has taken a nose dive. Healthwise I haven’t been good and we’ve been crazy busy in our personal lives. I know that sometimes life takes over and the time for play and D/s takes a back burner. I hate that.
I still call Sir, Sir. I still wear his collar. But I kind of don’t feel worthy of it. I don’t feel submissive enough. I still have some protocols that I have to follow, but I feel like its been a little relaxed and I know it’s because I don’t feel well or because we are too busy. Its kind of making me feel less of a submissive. I think these are things that definitely need to be talked about with Sir. We just have to figure it out and how to make time for our D/s and Play. Its not so much the Play, but the strict protocols I am missing. And I guess doing all that kneeling is not realistic. I don’t’ know maybe it is. It was for us for a while, but then we got busy and I got sick.
Everyone elses D/s around me seems to be going great and I am happy for them. I guess I just need to have the talk with Sir and see where and how we can fit D/s back into our life with our busy schedules and my unpredictable health. I have met so many wonderful people while being on this journey of D/s so I’m sure this is the path that we were meant to be on.
I don’t know, I will follow up this post when I talk to Sir about things.
OK so patience is not one of my strong suits. And since we have entered a D/s relationship I am noticing this more and more that I need to work on it. I forget that I’ve been doing research on being a submissive far longer than Sir has been researching on becoming a Dominant. I understand that its going to take time. However there is that little bratty girl who wants it now now NOW! Sometimes that half of my brain tells me that he might not want this as much as I do. But then the other side of my brain quickly says…”but he’s working full time and most days he’s putting in over time. He comes home and on some days has to mow the grass and tend to the yard, he goes to the gym to workout (which is why he’s NEVER stressed about anything), etc” so maybe I should give him some slack for not being glued to his computer researching and trying to figure out what he wants as a Dominant and relaying that to me. It will happen in his own time and I just have to allow it to. I have to be..what’s that word..Patient. Although going through this it kind of is helping me gain control over my impatience.
I plan on doing a Kneeling Challenge, that was presented on the subMRS.com website. I will take time everyday and kneel for myself and think about how I can become a better submissive. If I am working on myself I won’t be so consumed with why we aren’t moving fast enough (in my eyes). I was supposed to do this the last two weeks but it has been pretty chaotic. I will find some place to kneel and try to do it for 10 minutes a day. I hear that you get a lot of clarity from doing this. I hope it will help me become less stressed about my current D/s situation. And before you go thinking something, yes Sir reads this and yes I have talked to Sir about my issues with patience and this subject.
I am sitting now doing a Gastric something study at the hospital, where I swallow eggs and they take pictures to see how long it takes them to leave my stomach. This test takes about 4 hours and they have to take a picture every 30 minutes and in between that I am bored and sitting in the waiting area. After that is done I have another Doctor’s appointment at 12 and then at 1:30 I have my monthly Benlysta Infusion for my Lupus which takes 3-4 hours. I left home this morning at 6:00AM and I won’t be back there until about 5:00PM. Its gonna be a long day.