Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how? Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just the bedroom?
Well first off I’m only submitting to my husband, LOL. But the characteristics of a Dominant that I like are confidence, one who’s not afraid to take charge of situations, who is strict. I kind of need strict because I can be hard headed at times. One that knows what he wants and just takes it. I think Sir is perfect for me. When he develops himself and knows exactly what he wants, I think we will be a powerful D/s couple. He likes going to local events and so do I. Our community is very active, there is something going on almost every day of the week. You learn so much from the people that’s been doing this longer than you. Its important to always learn. If someone says they know everything about BDSM and don’t need to learn, they are lying. You always want to grow and learn new things in your relationship. Next month we are going to Beat My Valentine in Indianapolis. We are very excited to attend. This year will be different, lol. Last year we had a major hiccup and wasn’t able to attend classes (Beat My Valentine…D/s event!!). I would like to attend more D/s events. In May I am going to a servants retreat in Indianapolis. I’d like to go to Kinky Kollege in March but we have to look at that. Its in Chicago, which will be nice to visit. I would also like to go to Power Exchange Summit. It’s in Columbus, OH. I always want to learn and dig deeper in my submission.
I am exclusively submissive in marriage. I am a submissive to Sir 24/7. I wear my collar 24/7. I personally believe you can’t get the whole effect of BDSM and D/s with only in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom you grow a bond that is like no other. You get stronger in your marriage. BDSM is not only about the kinky sex, its about growing a bond between your partner(s). I know it might be hard for married couples with children to do 24/7 but I would suggest try doing it as much as possible.
So a blog that I follow (Chasing Me, Chasing You) has come up with a 30 days to define your submission. 30 questions to answer to help you define your submission. I have decided to answer the questions here on my blog as well.
Day 1: Do you view your submission as: Taken in hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I view my submission strictly as Dominant/submissive. I would like to add a little more domestic discipline into the relationship.We are taking things slow..a little too slow for my liking but we have to go at Sir’s pace and I understand that.
I know a lot of people don’t like labels but I do for some reason. Maybe its my obsession with structure I feel safe and secure knowing exactly what dynamic we are. I understand the people that don’t like labels and nothing against them it just isn’t for me.
Ok, so a couple of posts ago I sounded very concerned about my submission. In the time that I have written it a lot has happened mentally to me. I’ve had some friends I’ve talked to and then awesome blogger Kayla Lords wrote a post about submissives being too hard on themselves.
It all got me thinking. One, I am making unrealistic goals for myself as a submissive. Two, if Sir is unhappy with any way that I serve him, I’m sure he will let me know. and Three, there are no such things as the “Perfect submissive”. I’m never going to be perfect so I just need to accept that. I am a human, I make mistakes. Hopefully I will learn from those mistakes. As long as I am wholeheartedly giving myself to Sir, when I am able to, that’s all that matters.
We have to work together as a team to make D/s work for us. We have special circumstances, I have a disease that sometimes renders me unable to serve. I have talked to Sir and we are going to get together a protocol for when I am unable to do my normal protocols so that I still feel like I am being submissive. I feel a whole lot better than I did the other day when I wrote that post. I am very optimistic and think that we still have a lot of D/s ahead of us.
Thanks to all the people I talked to about this situation! You have helped me so much!