Define Your Kink: Day 2

Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how? Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just the bedroom?

Well first off I’m only submitting to my husband, LOL. But the characteristics of a Dominant that I like are confidence, one who’s not afraid to take charge of situations, who is strict. I kind of need strict because I can be hard headed at times. One that knows what he wants and just takes it. I think Sir is perfect for me. When he develops himself and knows exactly what he wants, I think we will be a powerful D/s couple. He likes going to local events and so do I. Our community is very active, there is something going on almost every day of the week. You learn so much from the people that’s been doing this longer than you. Its important to always learn. If someone says they know everything about BDSM and don’t need to learn, they are lying. You always want to grow and learn new things in your relationship. Next month we are going to Beat My Valentine in Indianapolis. We are very excited to attend. This year will be different, lol. Last year we had a major hiccup and wasn’t able to attend classes (Beat My Valentine…D/s event!!). I would like to attend more D/s events. In May I am going to a servants retreat in Indianapolis. I’d like to go to Kinky Kollege in March but we have to look at that. Its in Chicago, which will be nice to visit. I would also like to go to  Power Exchange Summit. It’s in Columbus, OH. I always want to learn and dig deeper in my submission.

I am exclusively submissive in marriage. I am a submissive to Sir 24/7. I wear my collar 24/7. I personally believe you can’t get the whole effect of BDSM and D/s with only in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom you grow a bond that is like no other. You get stronger in your marriage. BDSM is not only about the kinky sex, its about growing a bond between your partner(s). I know it might be hard for married couples with children to do 24/7 but I would suggest try doing it as much as possible.

Putting the pieces back together…

Well today’s post is gonna get a little mushy. I am talking about putting the pieces back together in our marriage and our D/s life. We are doing good with our marriage. We haven’t had time to look at the D/s part yet. Hopefully sometime this weekend. I have sat down with my former rules and kind of crossed out what I think is unrealistic or impossible because I have a job. I’m sure once Sir goes over it there will be more things crossed out. Sir is very serious about me not over doing it. And with me putting already putting in  a lot of time with the dogs it doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else.

I attended our local communities weekly coffee meeting last night. Sir worked a double so he couldn’t attend. It was nice to see people again. I had been gone from the local scene for a whole month while being in the hospital. I forgot how funny and great they are. Hopefully we can make it to the slosh on Friday night or the party on Saturday or maybe both. We will see what Sir says.

We are slowly starting to put the pieces together and I think that was what the problem was the first time. I think I was in too much of hurry to experience everything in this lifestyle. I got frustrated with Sir and that his timing wasn’t like my own. So now that we are on the same page we can start over again a little slower and a little bit wiser than we did before. I love Sir more than anything and I respect him. I trust him.

 

TGIF!!!

Yes!! Thank God It’s Friday!!! I’m glad I can say that and it actually be Friday. With my last job my “Fridays” were normally during the week, like Tuesday or Wednesday. Not anymore now I have Monday-Friday 8-4 gig. But any who, Today  was my first day back since my 3 week hospital stay. I was sluggish, yeah. And it took me a while to get myself together. I had over 700 emails I had to check. Plus I had to leave in the middle of the day to get my Benlysta Infusion. I was hoping that my infusion would help me feel a little better. But it didn’t. I still felt tired and heavy, and my voice sounded awful because of the cough I’ve had for the last 3 months that I can’t get to go away. Doctors said it’s because of my lung disease and I probably will always have it. Ugh! It reminds me of my father. He had a terrible smokers cough and when I was little and had dance recitals on video tape you could always hear him coughing and it was a little embarrassing. Although no one knew who it was coughing it was dark in the audience but in my little mind everyone know it was my dad. Anyway, so now I have a cough that annoys the crap out of me.

We have no big plans for this weekend. Normally when I get my infusions the next few days are required rest because I’m so tired. Sunday I plan on having Capone out training all day. First we are going to go to Rally @11, then Schutzund Training @2. So Saturday I will be resting all day, which is good I hear it’s supposed to rain all day anyway.

Things are slowly getting back to normal with me and Sir. We went to dinner tonight and grocery shopping together. We are talking to each other more. I think a start over was something we really needed. We plan to dig a little more deeper into our roles and find out what works for us and what doesn’t work for us. We will revisit our contract and my rules and make them a little more conducive to our life. When we first made them I wasn’t working and now that I am we need to take that into account. So look for an updated rules section soon.

I plan on discussing certain topics again on the blog soon, once life falls back into a comfortable place. Right now I’m still trying to get caught up with work, dog shows, and normal life. Hope all of you are doing well!

 

 

 

Mid-Life Crisis…

Whew! Well A LOT has happened since I last wrote. I have pondered back and forth wither or not I should write about it all. Because it is a lot. But here goes.

Apparently I have had a mid-life crisis and tried to convince myself that Sir wasn’t the right person for me and that I needed to be divorced and start all over again. So much that I even went to talk to a lawyer. I shared my “feelings” with Sir and of course he was heartbroken. After a couple days of living in awkward silence, I finally saw my therapist and she gave some exercises to do and things to think about. I realized that I was having a mid-life crisis or something like that. How could I ever think about leaving my wonderful Sir. WTF? I mean really? He is the perfect man for me. He is honorable, loyal, and he’s my best friend. That was purely the devil trying to break us apart…and he almost won.

When I went to tell Sir, I ended up in the hospital. I had a bad Fibromyalgia flare and could not walk. I was admitted to the hospital and put on heavy pain meds and steroids in 4 hour shifts. I decided I was going to tell him anyway. But I had to make sure that he knew that it wasn’t the pain meds talking. That it was me. We have decided to start over again…our D/s and everything. We admitted we both have issues that we need to work on but together we can get through it. I was in the hospital for 3 days before being transferred to a Rehabilitation Center to get strength back in my legs so I can walk again. I am currently still here in Rehab. Sir has been up here every single day after work and taking care of the dogs.

We seem to be starting things slowly. Once I get home and things get back to normal, I believe we will be ok. Currently I can walk again without a walker. But I am now trying to build up endurance because I cant walk for very long without having to take a break. I have PT and OT 3 times a day each. So my day is pretty much filled up and in the evening Sir comes and has dinner with me and we watch tv for a while. I am scheduled to be discharged on Wednesday.

So hopefully will be writing more as well. Missed writing so much. But have been a little busy.

Beat My Valentine…D/s event!!

So two weeks ago me and Sir went to an event titled “Beat My Valentine”, it was a lovely event filled with classes during the day and dungeon parties at night. We knew another couple that was going. So we were very excited to go.

We got there Friday night, because we were told there was a social gathering “vanilla”, in the bar scene of the hotel. So we attended. It was a fun night..of what I can remember. So apparently the bartender were making the drinks very strong. Sir had 3 Long Island Iced Teas and decided after the third one he had had enough and he went back to the room. He allowed me to stay and chat with the other submissives. I met a submissive that has lupus as well and we talked about the struggle. Then after that….I don’t remember a lot. LOL. I think I had one too many. So I had to be escorted back to my room by a submissive that I knew. When we got back to the room, Sir had apparently thrown up EVERYWHERE! He was still awake and feeling bad. The submissive that took me back to my room is also a nurse. She gave us both Zofran and put us to bed. I am telling you this through a third party telling me about it the next day. I found some selfies on my phone of people that I don’t even remember talking to. Definitely over did it on the drink situation for both of us..LOL

So we were supposed to go to classes all day Saturday. Well we didn’t wake up until noon. So we went to go get something to eat. Sir wasn’t feeling his best, I was ok, I just didn’t remember what happened after Sir had gone up to the room. So we skipped classes and went to the dungeon party that night. It was nice. There were vendors there. This one called “Steel Bones” they make corsets, which is an addiction of mine. But they were really priced high..$180 per corset so I will have to be saving up to get one. They definitely felt good when I tried them on. Sir liked them too. We went into the Dungeon space where we witnessed a submissive in a scene being beat with a rubber fish…interesting….Other scenes were the same ones we’d seen before a lot of rope play. By 11:00PM we were tired so we went back up to the room.

Sir did not play with me as he was not feeling like himself. Overall our first big BDSM Event went nicely. We slowly introduced ourselves into it. It was nice to hang out with so many people who are interested in the same thing. It was also nice to get away from the doggies for a minute too.

BDSM Community or BDSM Privately…

Disclaimer: There is no right way to practice BDSM. You do what feels right for you and your partner. There are no set rules. I am in no way trying to tell people how to live their BDSM life. I am simply giving my opinion on a subject. 

I went back and forth on whether or not to make the this post. I know it will probably offend and piss some people off. But before you unfollow me (LOL), just remember it’s only an opinion and opinions are like assholes everyone has one. 

BDSM Community

So, yes I’m on Fetlife. Yes, I have this blog. Yes, I have Twitter Account, and yes I socialize a lot on both. But I don’t spend my every waking second behind a computer. I am out in my local BDSM community participating in events such as Munches, Play Parties, Sub Lunches, Special Interest Group Events, etc.

I know people have their reasoning for not being involved in their local community. Careers or professions, living in a rural community that doesn’t have a BDSM community, or some communities are so tight knit that they do not appear open to newcomers. Actually I can’t say that I buy the whole Careers/profession excuse because I know plenty of Cops, Judges, Lawyers that are involved in the lifestyle. It’s all about anonymity and how you carry yourself. I don’t like to be photographed at events. At least until my retirement is finalized. But I take precautions I don’t ignore the events completely. How I feel about it might offend some people. You can practice BDSM any way you want to. There are no set rules but I don’t see how these “closeted” people know what they are doing without seeing it in real life. Ya Know going and having conversations with real life people that are involved in the lifestyle.

Sir and I are strong believers in being involved in your local community. We try to attend as many events as we can. We go to munches and play parties, not to play but to socialize with our friends. We aren’t big into watching others play we mainly go for the socialization. Talking about our common interests with other people has helped our relationship grow. I attend Sub lunches and other events that are made specifically for subs, bottoms, switches in bottom mode…pretty much anyone on the right side of the slash. Its helpful when you have sub issues that you want to discuss and they’ve all been there and can give you real advice not something that’s in a book. Last week we went bowling, it was so much fun. I haven’t been bowling in so long. I sucked majorly but that wasn’t the point of going. I met two new subs and were able to talk to the ones that I already knew from other events. I had been participating in a two dog show trials that day so I was tired as hell. I really wanted to just go home and go to bed but I decided to go to the bowling event anyway and I’m glad I did. Our community is so open and receptive. We do events like that and we have a monthly forum where a topic is discussed by sub, Doms, and Switches separately then we get into a big group and discuss the topic. Its great to hear some peoples opinions on things or suggestions on how to do things. Because a lot of times its something you never thought of trying or doing.

Our first experience at going to a live event, which was a Slosh, was terrible. We went to the place, didn’t know anyone. We were quite overdressed and no one approached us. So we had one drink and left. After that I went on Fetlife and decided to reach out to the creator of the event. The next Slosh we attended we found him and he introduced us to everyone there. We had a really good time getting to know everyone and letting them get to know us. It was in a very vanilla setting (I mean hey it was a bar). But it was fun to discuss our different kinks and get ideas from some of the people there.

We will be attending our first conference-like event next month. We will have to travel for it seeing as it isn’t in our city. It’s only 1-2 hour drive. But we are so excited about going and meeting more people in the lifestyle and learning. It’s a Saturday event where during the day there are classes and at night there is a dungeon party. So we will only be up there Friday and Saturday night.

In end this post I guess is about being involved in your community. Do it! Don’t be afraid to get out there! Staying behind the computer isn’t a way to live out you BDSM life.

The Brie Series…

So on this website that I’ve been talking a lot about lately subMRS.com, the subs have a book club. We are reading the Brie series of books. I am a little behind because of when I became a member of the site but these books are awesome. You can get them from itunes or amazon. The first book is “Brie Learns the art of submission”, it is very helpful in learning the art of Submission. Basically Brie goes through “Submissive School” to learn how to be a a submissive. I find that this book has been extremely helpful. I am on the second book series “Brie Embraces the Heart of Submission: After Graduation”, which is awesome because its about Brie learning how to apply what she’s learned in submissive school into real life D/s relationship. Again I am fully recommending these series…HBO needs to make this into a show, LOL.

Brie Brie2

Being a Patient little Submissive….

OK so patience is not one of my strong suits. And since we have entered a D/s relationship I am noticing this more and more that I need to work on it. I forget that I’ve been doing research on being a submissive far longer than Sir has been researching on becoming a Dominant. I understand that its going to take time. However there is that little bratty girl who wants it now now NOW! Sometimes that half of my brain tells me that he might not want this as much as I do. But then the other side of my brain quickly says…”but he’s working full time and most days he’s putting in over time. He comes home and on some days has to mow the grass and tend to the yard, he goes to the gym to workout (which is why he’s NEVER stressed about anything), etc” so maybe I should give him some slack for not being glued to his computer researching and trying to figure out what he wants as a Dominant and relaying that to me. It will happen in his own time and I just have to allow it to. I have to be..what’s that word..Patient. Although going through this it kind of is helping me gain control over my impatience.

I plan on doing a Kneeling Challenge, that was presented on the subMRS.com website. I will take time everyday and kneel for myself and think about how I can become a better submissive. If I am working on myself I won’t be so consumed with why we aren’t moving fast enough (in my eyes). I was supposed to do this the last two weeks but it has been pretty chaotic. I will find some place to kneel and try to do it for 10 minutes a day. I hear that you get a lot of clarity from doing this. I hope it will help me become less stressed about my current D/s situation. And before you go thinking something, yes Sir reads this and yes I have talked to Sir about my issues with patience and this subject.

I am sitting now doing a Gastric something study at the hospital, where I swallow eggs and they take pictures to see how long it takes them to leave my stomach. This test takes about 4 hours and they have to take a picture every 30 minutes and in between that I am bored and sitting in the waiting area. After that is done I have another Doctor’s appointment at 12 and then at 1:30 I have my monthly Benlysta Infusion for my Lupus which takes 3-4 hours. I left home this morning at 6:00AM and I won’t be back there until about 5:00PM. Its gonna be a long day.

Submissive Coffee Club Prompt #126

This prompt was very interesting so I decided to answer the questions. It’s from the Submissive Coffee Club.

Prompt128

1. If you could only have one element of the lifestyle what would you choose—-the sexual or non sexual?

Well this really is a hard question because I love them both equally but if I HAD to choose, I would choose the non sexual. Yes, sex is great however being able to serve my Sir and making his life easier is far more important than the sexual element.

2. What are your favorite non sexual parts of D/s?

One of my favorite non sexual parts of D/s is giving complete control to Sir. He orders my food at restaurants. I can’t take a bite of food until he has taken his first bite. I think I love the protocols in our D/s relationship.

3. Are you able to clearly differentiate between the two parts, or does one flow into the other?

I think they flow into each other because we are doing D/s 24/7 I believe that they do mix together.

Update on Career to Home… (vanilla)

Well I said I would keep everyone posted on what’s been going on with my health and work situation. So today I spent most of the day on the phone and at our human resources office. So here’s what I found out:

1. Medical retirement-wise: I have to gather all my medical records to turn in (there are a lot). They are mailing me the entire disability medical retirement packet. There is a form that my doctor has to fill out, there’s another form that my supervisors have fill out describing my work duties. They told me how much I would get if approved, which is a lot more than I thought I would get.

2. Social Security Disability-wise: I made an appointment next week to begin filing for that. I need all my doctor’s contact information. They told me how much I will get if approved, which is a nice number.

Good thing with my retirement and social security I will get $20 less than what I make currently working which is good. Now’s time for the hard part getting all the information together to get approved for both. I see my primary care doctor on Friday and we will talk about it seeing for the Social Security Disability he will be the one filing that paperwork out.

People with legitimate illnesses get denied every day for social security disability. The worker told me on the phone that documentation is everything. The more medical documentation you have, the more likely you are to be approved for it. I have plenty of documentation, trust me. I have 9 specialists that take care of me.

So here it goes…I’m a little less relieved knowing more information about both systems. I am not proud to have to do this, I wish there was another way. I wish I could work. I wish I didn’t have the diseases that I have. But I do have them and it’s time to stop pretending I don’t need help.

But it will be a good thing. I keep telling myself. I will be home more and able to serve Sir, so that’s always a plus. Just wanted to drop a line and update the people that were concerned about my health and the decisions that I had to make.