Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how? Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just the bedroom?
Well first off I’m only submitting to my husband, LOL. But the characteristics of a Dominant that I like are confidence, one who’s not afraid to take charge of situations, who is strict. I kind of need strict because I can be hard headed at times. One that knows what he wants and just takes it. I think Sir is perfect for me. When he develops himself and knows exactly what he wants, I think we will be a powerful D/s couple. He likes going to local events and so do I. Our community is very active, there is something going on almost every day of the week. You learn so much from the people that’s been doing this longer than you. Its important to always learn. If someone says they know everything about BDSM and don’t need to learn, they are lying. You always want to grow and learn new things in your relationship. Next month we are going to Beat My Valentine in Indianapolis. We are very excited to attend. This year will be different, lol. Last year we had a major hiccup and wasn’t able to attend classes (Beat My Valentine…D/s event!!). I would like to attend more D/s events. In May I am going to a servants retreat in Indianapolis. I’d like to go to Kinky Kollege in March but we have to look at that. Its in Chicago, which will be nice to visit. I would also like to go to Power Exchange Summit. It’s in Columbus, OH. I always want to learn and dig deeper in my submission.
I am exclusively submissive in marriage. I am a submissive to Sir 24/7. I wear my collar 24/7. I personally believe you can’t get the whole effect of BDSM and D/s with only in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom you grow a bond that is like no other. You get stronger in your marriage. BDSM is not only about the kinky sex, its about growing a bond between your partner(s). I know it might be hard for married couples with children to do 24/7 but I would suggest try doing it as much as possible.
I know I said the next post would be about the Play Party went to Saturday night, but I had another topic that I wanted to discuss. Kneeling. Pretty important right?
Ok, so the past 3 weeks I have either been in the Emergency Room or extremely sick with my Lupus. My body has really been against me. Sir has been super patient and nice taking care of me. He’s suspended pretty much all protocols until I get better. Obviously the ones that aren’t physical like calling him Sir or text messing him when I wake up in the morning were still in play. I had planned on Kneeling for Sir and officially giving him my submission, 3 weeks ago. But because of being sick I haven’t been able to do it. So finally I am healthy enough to do it officially. I am going to do it today when he comes home for work. We’ve already talked about it. I know what I am supposed to wear and will be ready when he gets home.
Kneeling is a big deal. At least to me it is being a submissive. It signifies that I am giving total control of my life to him. That I trust him to make the right decisions for me. As a Dominant this is a big responsibility. I am currently doing a kneeling exercise, where I kneel for 10 minutes a day, just to think and concentrate on my submission to Sir and think how I can improve my submission to him.
Me and Sir talked last tonight and he thinks I am ready for a collar. We looked at some collars and we have agreed on a collar of protection- one that I will wear to BDSM functions such as Munches, Play Parties, Sloshes, etc. So no other Dom’s approach me thinking I am an available submissive. We also agreed on a traditional collar that will be worn inside the house and is discreet enough to be worn outside the house as well. We will purchase the collars on Thursday. So I guess this week and next week we have some pretty big events happening in our D/s life.
So I know a few posts ago I had suggested that I would give Sir a “send off” every morning. Well I’ve been doing good the past few days. However, last night I was just thinking about the sudden change in my life with medical retirement. Giving up my career that I’ve worked so hard to get. The air felt so heavy and I was unable to sleep and I believe I was on the verge of having a panic attack about everything. Sir tried to calm me by holding me and telling me that it would be alright. Eventually my mind settled and I fell asleep. I must have been sleeping hard because I didn’t wake up to Sir’s alarm clock as usual. I woke up when I heard him getting dressed in the other room. I quickly jumped up and asked him why didn’t he wake me up to give him his send off and he kissed my forehead and told me to go back to sleep. He said that he realized I had had a bad night with a lot on my mind. He said he didn’t need his send off this morning. My heart melted. He put his own needs aside (because I know he loves that send off), just to let me rest. It made me smile and I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I could feel his love all around me and it calmed me. I feel into a deep sleep before he was even out the door for work.
When I finally woke up I realized how much I love Sir. How he’s been there for me the past 8 years through everything. He’s always going to be there and I think taking the journey into our D/s relationship again is only going to make our bond stronger and I want that so badly. So I guess this post is just about feeling the love from your Dominant. I definitely felt him taking care of me last night and this morning.
I couldn’t sleep last night. For some reason so, I sat up in bed and read blogs and did more submissive and dominant research. Before I knew it, Sir’s alarm clock was going off. He woke up to reset it. He asked how long I had been up and I told him the whole night. We started talking about our D/s relationship and what each other expect and want from it. Then we decided to wait and talk about it when he comes home from work today.
Sir started talking about how hard his cock was and how I should taste it. So with a great big smile on my face I started to suck him. I took this opportunity to reacquaint myself with his cock, the girth, the length, the head. When he started talking to me it made me want to please him more. So I went faster. He then demanded that I suck on his balls and I did, the more I heard him moan and tell me “good girl”, the harder I sucked. I made my way back up to his cock and began vigorously sucking until he came. By the end of it I was so wet, I wanted him to take me right then and there and fuck me hard. So again I was very proud that he was proud of me. He said now no matter what happened at his day at work its going to be a good day, which made me feel good. I’m thinking I should probably make a habit and do this every morning. He wakes up before me when I’m working so it wouldn’t be anything to wake up and give him a great send off…I think I’ve gone into it more confident in my ability to please him.
I promise I won’t write everyday about my awesome send offs. But just wanted to share my first couple and the thoughts I was having. Like I’ve said in earlier posts our sex life is going great with the D/s stuff but its the outside the bedroom that I am waiting to blossom. I know I must be patient.
So looking through other Blogs I found this website called Submissive Coffee Club (www.sccwriting.tumblr.com). They have cool prompts for blogs, questions that you can answer. So here’s my first writing prompt.
What are your support mechanisms other than your Dominant?
Well I have my 3 of my best friends who know about us changing our lifestyle and are supportive of it. I also read the blogs everyday and the submissives/slaves that I read are great and I feel like I could go to some of them for advice if I have questions. I also find that writing my blog helps me too because the people that follow me give me advice, they have been doing this longer than me so I welcome their advice.
Does it bother you to admit to weakness?
Yes it does. I hate the question in interviews “Tell me some of your strengths and weaknesses…” so I was told instead of telling your weaknesses, tell a strength and make it look like a weakness. For instance, I have OCD, everything has to be perfect. See that might sound like a weakness but its also tells the interviewer that you are organized. So in the end it does bother me to admit weakness. I come from a long line of strong women, who never admit weakness.
Do you think Dominants need someone to turn to in difficult times, other than their submissives?
I do. I am speaking this from our current situation. We are both new to this and I think it would help tremendously for new Dominants to have a mentor or someone they can go to and ask questions. Same is to be said for new submissives as well.
Ok, I will admit it…in the past I have not been one to volunteer to suck Sir’s cock. I don’t know for some reason I am very self-conscious about it. I don’t think I do a good job. However this morning when Sir woke up, he told me to suck his cock (not ask, but told), and that right there made me want to suck his cock so bad.
So I went to work and listening to the sounds he made. The pleasure I was giving him, I wanted to please him more. So I went harder and faster. I felt like “Xena: Sex Goddess” or something. He then did something hes never done before, he put his hands on my head and pushed me down on his cock, taking it all in. It wasn’t too long until he exploded in my mouth and for some reason I don’t know how or why but his cum tasted so good. It was sweet. And I loved the way it felt going down my throat. I was so proud of myself. Sir was proud too. He whispered “Good Girl” to me and assured me I did good. For the first time I felt like I was good at sucking cock. I wanted to do it again but knew we were cut for time.
So now that I know that I can please him this way, I can kick my fears of thinking I don’t do a good job to the curb and just go for it. I had to write about it now, as I couldn’t go back to sleep I was so excited and proud of myself. (and yes Sir gets up at 4:30am for work, lol)
Ok just because I heard that this woman is making another world tour soon. I saw her “All For You” Tour Live and she is the world’s best performer (only second to Michael of course), I love that she always does one of these numbers in her shows. Just watch them. She’s amazing! The songs are good too!
Love this song…since I am a musical person, it will help with my stress!!!
So last nights fucking experience took an interesting turn. I didn’t even think there were going to be any activity at all. When I crawled into bed, Sir grabbed me up and started kissing me passionately. He pushed me on my back and lifted my night shirt over my face so I couldn’t see anything. He slowly kissed and then sucked on my left nipple. Then a very strange sensation he was biting my nipple. It felt so good. He did this for a few minutes then moved on to the right nipple and repeated. It felt so good, I wanted to cum but forced myself not to. He then kissed his way down to my pussy. It felt so good, again I wanted to cum. His tongue teasing my clit. He slid his fingers inside of me and it felt so good. He got rougher with each thrust of his hand. He towered over me, I guess he could feel that I was on the edge. I didn’t think I could hold it off any longer, then I heard “Cum for me,” and I did. Just the way he said it, no, it was the way he ORDERED it. I came hard, he didn’t give me a chance to recover, he shoved his cock inside of me and fucked me hard until I came again. Shortly after I came he came.
It was the most exciting sex we had ever had. I fucking loved every minute of it. Afterwards, I was so hot we had to turn the air up. I felt so grateful for Sir, I felt I was completely his. He ordered me to come and my body obeyed that order. It was great. I still can’t get over that. He held me until we fell asleep and called me his “good girl”. I was happy that he was happy with me. I fell into a deep sleep.
It can only get better from there. Sir gets up for work at 430 in the morning. I got up with him and asked if there was anything I could do to help him get ready. I had already made his lunch the night before. He said there was nothing, kissed my forehead and told me to go back to bed. I completely had forgotten about this encounter. I fell back into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up until 10 o’clock. Boy, I can’t wait to see what happens when things get more intense.
So I’ve been off work sick, my Lupus is acting up. I will be off for the next week trying to get my health under control so I can go back to work. So I’ve been trying to tend to the house and get used to my new role as submissive. Its been a little harder than I thought it would be, but I will soon get used to all the changes. I filled out a BDSM Checklist for Sir so he would know a little more about me sexually. I’m getting a little better at calling Sir, Sir and not his name. He’s been very lenient with me on that.
But earlier today I had a strange feeling come across me and I started questioning myself. Can I really do this? Can he do this? Are we really going to be able to do this? Among other things. It only lasted for about an hour but that hour seemed like 5 hours. I had to keep reassuring myself that we both can do this, that we both want to do this. I think the problem with me is I’m a perfectionist, but I know that we will make mistakes along the way and that every D/s relationship is different and that there is no one way to do things.
Last night on TLC I watched a special they were showing entitled “Submissive Wives Guide to Marriage”, it was about women who have chosen to be submissive to their husbands. They really didn’t talk about wither or not they have Kink in their relationships but the concept seems to be a lot like a D/s relationship minus the calling their husband Master or Sir. What kind of shocked me one of the women said “It takes a strong woman to submit, a weak woman would complain and moan about,” it really stuck with me and while I was asking myself all those questions this morning this woman’s voice came in my head and I was like “I am a strong woman, I can do this, I can be a submissive to my husband because I love him and appreciate him so much,” it was that moment that all the unsure feelings just kind of left me.
SUBJECT CHANGE: I don’t know if what I am writing is interesting or not but I’ve seen that I’ve gotten 6 followers which makes me very excited and I want to thank you guys that are following me. I appreciate you more than you know.