Disability

So, I’m doing my first Wicked Wednesday prompt. The topic this week is disability….something I know all too well. Seeing as I am taking a disability retirement from my job.

So where do I begin….I probably should have retired medically sooner. I was afraid of being labeled disabled at such a young age. I didn’t want to face up to it so I kept on going, pushing through. Going to work when I wasn’t feeling good, when I knew I should be in bed resting. When I knew I couldn’t protect and serve. Just hoping that nothing serious would happen on the job. Nobody knows about that struggle except for Sir. So no one saw when I was throwing up behind my car…or in so much pain I was in tears. Nope, nobody saw that. I ALWAYS put the job first. I had wanted this career since I was 16 years old. I was going to fight my hardest to stay. So realizing that I could not physically do my job anymore hurts. I am still dealing with the reality of the situation. And I’m glad I have my therapist to guide me through it.

When I did call in and was on sick leave no one believed I was sick because they couldn’t see it. Lupus is called an invisible illness because you can’t physically see the marks it leaves. My Lupus attacks my Lungs, Joints, Blood, Digestive System, and now my Liver. You can’t see the damage its doing. So its hard for people to believe. Especially when there isn’t much talk about Lupus. When you hear someone has Cancer everyone feels sorry for them and they know its a serious disease because there is so much awareness about it. Lupus awareness doesn’t hold a candle to Cancer awareness and yet I feel it is as serious as Cancer. People die everyday from Lupus complications.

So here we are filing for medical disability retirement. I have to get all my medical records which consists of 9 specialist and over a span of 4 years. So that’s a lot of records to get together. Currently I am waiting on two doctors offices to get in touch with me to tell me that my medical records are ready. My Psychiatrist and my Gastroenterology Offices haven’t contacted me yet. But it hasn’t been a full two weeks yet either. I have all my other records ready to be sent to retirement board.

So lately disability has been a term used A LOT for me. I am no longer afraid of being labeled disabled. I am happy I got to do my job for the time I did. Its just something beyond my control. It’s not like I purposefully did something to get Lupus and become disabled. So I look forward to the new chapter of my life with Sir.

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Career to Home….sort of…..ramblings

Ok, this is going to be a long post, sort of vanilla but it ties in to my D/s life. So I am forewarning you, its girly, but its about an important part of my life. My career.

So since we have decided to have a D/s relationship, the plan has always been for me to eventually to leave my career and stay at home so we can really be a 24/7 D/s couple. Actually that has been the plan before we started to get into D/s.  As I have mentioned before I have Lupus and I’ve been diagnosed with it for 3 years. Been in my career for 6, so this happened after I started my career. My career is physically demanding and it is starting to weigh on me…literally, my body isn’t able to keep up anymore. Currently I am off work because my liver enzymes are elevated and my GI doctor has ordered some tests to find out the cause.

My workplace is struggling a little bit because they have 3 people on sick leave right now (not really my fault or my worry). However I do understand their frustration but to pick at me and suggest that I am abusing sick time (I have doctor’s note for every time I am absent for work) is just childish and unfair. I’m so tired of all the politics involved with my job. I’m tired of peoples attitudes towards me because I have a chronic illness. Me and Sir think its time for me to throw in the towel. He doesn’t think I need to put up with the stress that they cause because it is not good for my health. I will have to put up with their discrimination and sideways glances for the rest of my career if I decide to stay. I don’t really know if I can deal with this type of stress and keep my Lupus under control. Ok, so easy decision, right???

Wrong….and here’s why. Its pretty much financial but I’ll break it down for ya…For 6 years I’ve paid into our state retirement system. I am unsure if I retire medically (which I am eligible to do) how much of my retirement I would get. I was trying to make it to my 10 year mark that way I would get my full pension if I retired medically. With only 6 years in the system, I don’t know how much I would get. I know I wouldn’t get medical benefits if I medically retired now. I would still be covered under Sir’s work insurance but with me having a chronic illness, I need as much health insurance as I can get. I also have a couple of direct sales businesses that I could put my full energy in those and make extra money that way. I sell Nerium and Thirty-One.

If I medically retire, I would also be eligible to apply for disability. However you have to be out of work when you apply for disability. So we would have to be able to survive for a while on Sir’s salary and whatever I would get from medical retirement. Can we do that now? I’m unsure right now. Sorry I’m getting into a lot of unsure territory here but this is best venue for me to try to clear my head.

I am unsure how a lot of these things work, so this week I will be looking into all that by calling our state retirement systems to see how a medical retirement works, then I will call the social security disability office to know what I need in order to apply for it as well. I will also be talking to my doctor next week about filing for disability obviously he would have to be on board but I know he will be. He’s been very concerned about me working.

The last 24 hours I have been so stressed out thinking about the options. I have a constant headache, but hopefully everything will work out. I will keep you all updated on the progress.