Because I’ve been in the hospital and my physical therapy wants me to hold off going back until I see my rehab doctor 6 weeks from now, I’ve been forced to resign from Feeder’s Supply. I have mixed feelings about this. I knew it probably wouldn’t last in the back of my mind but I tried so hard. I really appreciated the discount and it helped a lot financially. But on the other hand it makes me feel like I failed. I can’t help that I am sick. The manager seemed like he didn’t want to do it that HR was telling him he had to. But I also understand that my absence puts them in a bind as well with having to fill those hours. He has to think about whats best for the store and I understand that. I sent Sir a text about it but he hasn’t responded yet. I feel so bad right now…..
So, today I volunteered to do domestic violence scenarios with our latest recruits. It was nice but made me miss being a police officer so much. Is there any way I can come back? Is all I kept thinking. I was talking to all the other role players which are sworn and my friends. They were saying it sucks that the department didn’t make accommodations for me because they’ve done it before. They all suggested I talk to our FOP President and see what can be done.
Well I finally heard back from him after having a glimmer of hope that I might be able to return to my position as a sworn police officer and be put off the street. He said it was impossible. The department does not have to accommodate me, and they probably won’t even entertain the idea because the need right now is on patrol. If I can get medically cleared totally it’s the only way. To go back to patrol and apply for detectives positions and hope I get one. Don’t know if my doctor will agree to that.
I should just let it go. Stay where I am. I just can’t let go. This was my dream for such a long time. I haven’t even turned in all my stuff yet. I will when I’m ready I guess. I just need to face facts. I am no longer a police officer and that part of my life is over. Get used to being in the civilian world and helping out the recruits when I can.
Its just been a really weird emotional day and Sir is working a double shift so I will be by myself all night with the doggies. Sometimes I hate being by myself. Especially when I feel so down. Maybe watching a good scary movie will help change my mood.