Define Your Kink: Day 1

So a blog that I follow (Chasing Me, Chasing You) has come up with a 30 days to define your submission. 30 questions to answer to help you define your submission. I have decided to answer the questions here on my blog as well.

Day 1: Do you view your submission as: Taken in hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I view my submission strictly as Dominant/submissive. I would like to add a little more domestic discipline into the relationship.We are taking things slow..a little too slow for my liking but we have to go at Sir’s pace and I understand that.

I know a lot of people don’t like labels but I do for some reason. Maybe its my obsession with structure I feel safe and secure knowing exactly what dynamic we are. I understand the people that don’t like labels and nothing against them it just isn’t for me.

Putting the pieces back together…

Well today’s post is gonna get a little mushy. I am talking about putting the pieces back together in our marriage and our D/s life. We are doing good with our marriage. We haven’t had time to look at the D/s part yet. Hopefully sometime this weekend. I have sat down with my former rules and kind of crossed out what I think is unrealistic or impossible because I have a job. I’m sure once Sir goes over it there will be more things crossed out. Sir is very serious about me not over doing it. And with me putting already putting in  a lot of time with the dogs it doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else.

I attended our local communities weekly coffee meeting last night. Sir worked a double so he couldn’t attend. It was nice to see people again. I had been gone from the local scene for a whole month while being in the hospital. I forgot how funny and great they are. Hopefully we can make it to the slosh on Friday night or the party on Saturday or maybe both. We will see what Sir says.

We are slowly starting to put the pieces together and I think that was what the problem was the first time. I think I was in too much of hurry to experience everything in this lifestyle. I got frustrated with Sir and that his timing wasn’t like my own. So now that we are on the same page we can start over again a little slower and a little bit wiser than we did before. I love Sir more than anything and I respect him. I trust him.

 

TGIF!!!

Yes!! Thank God It’s Friday!!! I’m glad I can say that and it actually be Friday. With my last job my “Fridays” were normally during the week, like Tuesday or Wednesday. Not anymore now I have Monday-Friday 8-4 gig. But any who, Today  was my first day back since my 3 week hospital stay. I was sluggish, yeah. And it took me a while to get myself together. I had over 700 emails I had to check. Plus I had to leave in the middle of the day to get my Benlysta Infusion. I was hoping that my infusion would help me feel a little better. But it didn’t. I still felt tired and heavy, and my voice sounded awful because of the cough I’ve had for the last 3 months that I can’t get to go away. Doctors said it’s because of my lung disease and I probably will always have it. Ugh! It reminds me of my father. He had a terrible smokers cough and when I was little and had dance recitals on video tape you could always hear him coughing and it was a little embarrassing. Although no one knew who it was coughing it was dark in the audience but in my little mind everyone know it was my dad. Anyway, so now I have a cough that annoys the crap out of me.

We have no big plans for this weekend. Normally when I get my infusions the next few days are required rest because I’m so tired. Sunday I plan on having Capone out training all day. First we are going to go to Rally @11, then Schutzund Training @2. So Saturday I will be resting all day, which is good I hear it’s supposed to rain all day anyway.

Things are slowly getting back to normal with me and Sir. We went to dinner tonight and grocery shopping together. We are talking to each other more. I think a start over was something we really needed. We plan to dig a little more deeper into our roles and find out what works for us and what doesn’t work for us. We will revisit our contract and my rules and make them a little more conducive to our life. When we first made them I wasn’t working and now that I am we need to take that into account. So look for an updated rules section soon.

I plan on discussing certain topics again on the blog soon, once life falls back into a comfortable place. Right now I’m still trying to get caught up with work, dog shows, and normal life. Hope all of you are doing well!

 

 

 

Again…I am not dead!!! Q&A March!!

LOL! So..again I haven’t dropped off the face of the planet. I’ve just been busy with a lot of things..Dogs, D/s events, and getting ready for a new job mainly. But I will talk more about them in detail, in another post.

So apparently March is Q&A month for us bloggers. So in the true spirit of things I am going to participate. I rarely hide anything, except my real name. SOOOO Fire away…you can email me at mrselliemae84@gmail.com.

Busy Week ends with Beatings…Hopefully!

Well, it’s going to be a doozie of a week for Ellie. Let’s go over Ellie’s busy schedule…..

Monday- had therapy appointment which i had to take puppy to because it was followed by training class, did some training with other dogs, then had another training class with puppy that wore me the hell out. I was the youngest person in the class but my stamina is terrible. I swear I heeled 5 miles with the puppy.

Tuesday- had to do thirty-one stuff. Mail out my hostess packets and get my junk ready for my March parties. Which had taken most of the day. And study for test on Thursday.

Wednesday- training class with Presco at 8:30 at night, will be working with him throughout the day so he does embarrass me in class, LOL. Studying for Excel test on Thursday. Need to also pick out what I am going to wear to take my test. This is all very important things lol.

Thursday- Hair appt at 9:00AM, Excel test at 1:30PM (please wish me luck!), Dr appt at 2:30PM.

Friday- Get Ready for Beat My Valentine!!! Woohoo!

I’m so excited about this weekend, its like I get to have a mini vacation after all the stuff I did. I hope to learn some new kinky tricks and hopefully Sir will play with me both nights while we are gone. I haven’t decided which collar I am going to wear or even what outfits I’m going to wear. I guess that’s why I have all day Friday to get it done. Two days dog-free woohoo. So Excited! I think Sir secretly is excited too but he’s not showing it. He has to be the cool, calm, Dom…LOL.

Vanilla Life Update…with a side of kinkyness

Well it’s been two weeks since my last post..wow! It’s been a little busy around here lately. So I applied for the Crime Analyst position and I met the minimum requirements for the job so that means I move on to the next phase which is taking the Excel test next week. I will be honest I will have to seriously study for this because I haven’t used Microsoft Excel since I was in college which was about 8 years ago…so…yeah…. I got a great online study guide though. So hopefully I should be ready.

Sir has been working a lot here lately. But we are keeping up with each other. His work is weird, he has to pick out his 2016 vacations (he gets 4) by yesterday. So Thursday night we sat down and planned our annual vacation and times I would probably need him to be off. In June our working Boxer Klub is co-sponsoring a show in Wisconsin. He’s going to be off for that. I’m Vice-President of the club and he is on the board. I am excited about that. I would like for him to go to the Boxer National Specialty with me in May but he can’t get off the first week of May seeing as it is Derby week here in Kentucky. In October we are going to New Orleans which is our annual vacation.

Puppies are doing great. We still have 4. At the end of the month I will be showing two in a conformation show in Ohio. March I have the Kentucky Cluster of Dog shows I will be showing in. I entered Capone in Rally Novice, so hopefully he will get that title. I’m entering Presco as well for his Novice Obedience title. I only signed up for the shows on the weekend on the off-chance that I get this job.

Wednesday night we went to our communities weekly coffee. We hadn’t been there in such a long time. It was nice catching up with some of the subs. Today was a sub lunch but I could not attend. Me and another sub signed up for a sub intensive day in Columbus, Ohio. She’s been in the lifestyle for over 20 years and she said she heard that it was a good intensive. Its on a Saturday all day. They are only accepting 20 subs. They like to keep it relatively small. So I’m really excited about attending that. Beat My Valentine is coming up next weekend and Sir and I are excited its finally here. Can’t wait to experience our first large gathering of kinky folk. I will definitely be writing about the following week.

Friday I had my Lupus Infusion so today I’m not feeling too well. Had a bad night, couldn’t get to sleep for anything. So today I’m just resting. Had some training sessions with the pups and that’s about it. I feel a little weak and tired.

I guess at the end of March is when I will update my goals section and see what I have accomplished so far in the year. With the possibility of this new job coming up, a lot of my goals have a changed a little bit.

BDSM Community or BDSM Privately…

Disclaimer: There is no right way to practice BDSM. You do what feels right for you and your partner. There are no set rules. I am in no way trying to tell people how to live their BDSM life. I am simply giving my opinion on a subject. 

I went back and forth on whether or not to make the this post. I know it will probably offend and piss some people off. But before you unfollow me (LOL), just remember it’s only an opinion and opinions are like assholes everyone has one. 

BDSM Community

So, yes I’m on Fetlife. Yes, I have this blog. Yes, I have Twitter Account, and yes I socialize a lot on both. But I don’t spend my every waking second behind a computer. I am out in my local BDSM community participating in events such as Munches, Play Parties, Sub Lunches, Special Interest Group Events, etc.

I know people have their reasoning for not being involved in their local community. Careers or professions, living in a rural community that doesn’t have a BDSM community, or some communities are so tight knit that they do not appear open to newcomers. Actually I can’t say that I buy the whole Careers/profession excuse because I know plenty of Cops, Judges, Lawyers that are involved in the lifestyle. It’s all about anonymity and how you carry yourself. I don’t like to be photographed at events. At least until my retirement is finalized. But I take precautions I don’t ignore the events completely. How I feel about it might offend some people. You can practice BDSM any way you want to. There are no set rules but I don’t see how these “closeted” people know what they are doing without seeing it in real life. Ya Know going and having conversations with real life people that are involved in the lifestyle.

Sir and I are strong believers in being involved in your local community. We try to attend as many events as we can. We go to munches and play parties, not to play but to socialize with our friends. We aren’t big into watching others play we mainly go for the socialization. Talking about our common interests with other people has helped our relationship grow. I attend Sub lunches and other events that are made specifically for subs, bottoms, switches in bottom mode…pretty much anyone on the right side of the slash. Its helpful when you have sub issues that you want to discuss and they’ve all been there and can give you real advice not something that’s in a book. Last week we went bowling, it was so much fun. I haven’t been bowling in so long. I sucked majorly but that wasn’t the point of going. I met two new subs and were able to talk to the ones that I already knew from other events. I had been participating in a two dog show trials that day so I was tired as hell. I really wanted to just go home and go to bed but I decided to go to the bowling event anyway and I’m glad I did. Our community is so open and receptive. We do events like that and we have a monthly forum where a topic is discussed by sub, Doms, and Switches separately then we get into a big group and discuss the topic. Its great to hear some peoples opinions on things or suggestions on how to do things. Because a lot of times its something you never thought of trying or doing.

Our first experience at going to a live event, which was a Slosh, was terrible. We went to the place, didn’t know anyone. We were quite overdressed and no one approached us. So we had one drink and left. After that I went on Fetlife and decided to reach out to the creator of the event. The next Slosh we attended we found him and he introduced us to everyone there. We had a really good time getting to know everyone and letting them get to know us. It was in a very vanilla setting (I mean hey it was a bar). But it was fun to discuss our different kinks and get ideas from some of the people there.

We will be attending our first conference-like event next month. We will have to travel for it seeing as it isn’t in our city. It’s only 1-2 hour drive. But we are so excited about going and meeting more people in the lifestyle and learning. It’s a Saturday event where during the day there are classes and at night there is a dungeon party. So we will only be up there Friday and Saturday night.

In end this post I guess is about being involved in your community. Do it! Don’t be afraid to get out there! Staying behind the computer isn’t a way to live out you BDSM life.

Bigger Girl…

Big Girl

So…there are a couple of subs I’m friends with online and they are perfect. Their bodies are just simply perfect. I envy them. I weigh 194 lbs when I used to be 110 lbs. The worst part of it all is that I believe in my head to some extent that Sir is not attracted to me anymore. He tells me he loves me and I’m beautiful all the time. But deep down in my brain I just can’t believe it. I envy people that are so comfortable with their body, whether they are small or large, they celebrate their body. I am just not there. I think that is something that I desperately need to work on.

I guess lately, honestly I haven’t been feeling sexy at all. I feel like i’m gross to look at. So I try to keep covered up in my Under Armour gear (Since its so damn cold out). I sleep in pants pajamas and sometimes my stomach really gets in the way of my sleeping. I normally go to a therapist but I haven’t seen her since last year. Perhaps I should make an appointment to discuss this.

I think writing about it is helping too. I hope this reaches someone who is in the same position and it helps them get on the path to celebrating themselves. I am determined to get better at doing this. I know Sir would never lie to me so I know he really loves me. But does he really find me attractive? I don’t know. I guess it’s like that old saying you need to love and appreciate yourself before you can love and appreciate another person. It just doesn’t really matter until you can love and appreciate the situation you are in. And figuring out a way to be happy. That is the point. So I’m determined to get there.

2016 Goal List Do-Over…

goals

Ok, so after talking to some people (real life people) I realized I may have done my goals list a little immaturely. I should have categories in these goals and more than only 5. So I am redoing my goal list and I also realized that it’s kind of important to share this with Sir and have a dialogue about it. So I have done that and here is the finished product….I’ve broken them down into categories…

Physical 

  • Eat healthier, less fast food
  • Cook more—at least 2-3 times a week
  • Stay out of the hospital
  • Get Lupus completely under control

Career

  • Save up money to get business legalized by state $525 total…save $25 per two weeks.
  • Work with SBDC to get business plan made and to get funding for business
  • Find an affordable space to rent for business
  • Would like to open Kennel business by the end of the year
  • Continue selling Thirty-One to make extra income

Dog Goals 

  • Presco: CD title, maybe go for RA title
  • Heidi: RA, RE title…start going for RAE title. Start her back in Agility classes
  • Capone: BN, RN, CGC titles—continue nosework classes, novice classes, and start in IPO work for BH title.
  • Work dogs everyday. Come up with a daily schedule for each dog and what they need to work on that day. (this can also be counted as physical goal because it does take a lot of me to practice with these babies)
  • Become better handler
  • Take Seminars offered by different training facilities
  • Work on building boxer klub

Life

  • Try to stay in contact with friends better
  • Dig Deeper into my submission by reading books on BDSM and submission
  • Keep better records
  • Keep House clean
  • Journal everyday
  • Blog at least 3 times a week (M,W,F)

Relationship

  • Communicate my feelings better
  • More active in the BDSM Community–Sloshes, Munches, Parties
  • Attend Conferences and Seminars to learn more about lifestyle
  • Date night with Sir at least once a week
  • Be mindful of my rules and protocols
  • Continue attending the sub-only get togethers

Travel

  • Will travel with the dog shows- Evansville, Sharonville, Indianapolis
  • 2016 American Boxer Club National in May- Indianapolis
  • 2016 USA Box Show- WI in June or July
  • On one of Sirs weeks off would like to go to New Orleans

Financial

  • Continue to stay on track to getting out of debt
  • Save more money- $100 a month
  • Cut out unnecessary spending
  • Get Sunday paper for coupons
  • Make decisions together on big purchases

I am going to make in update on how I’m doing on all these goals in three months. Yep you guessed it I put it in my calendar to do so, LOL. I think it’s important for everyone to work on personal growth. Wither it be new years goals or resolutions or whatever you call them, we should NEVER be complacent with ourselves. We should always be growing and learning.

Wrist Collar

Woot woot. My Wrist collar came in and I love it. It matches my collar. Sir put it on me last night. Thank you to Victoria at http://www.tobehis.com. She is amazing and they have great customer service.

Gonna be a busy day today. Gotta run my two doggie boarders out of town so they can get some shots and ears retaped. Then my focus will be on getting the house clean. Kind of hard to do with 5 dogs in the picture. But I am going to try my hardest.