Define Your Kink: Day 2

Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how? Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just the bedroom?

Well first off I’m only submitting to my husband, LOL. But the characteristics of a Dominant that I like are confidence, one who’s not afraid to take charge of situations, who is strict. I kind of need strict because I can be hard headed at times. One that knows what he wants and just takes it. I think Sir is perfect for me. When he develops himself and knows exactly what he wants, I think we will be a powerful D/s couple. He likes going to local events and so do I. Our community is very active, there is something going on almost every day of the week. You learn so much from the people that’s been doing this longer than you. Its important to always learn. If someone says they know everything about BDSM and don’t need to learn, they are lying. You always want to grow and learn new things in your relationship. Next month we are going to Beat My Valentine in Indianapolis. We are very excited to attend. This year will be different, lol. Last year we had a major hiccup and wasn’t able to attend classes (Beat My Valentine…D/s event!!). I would like to attend more D/s events. In May I am going to a servants retreat in Indianapolis. I’d like to go to Kinky Kollege in March but we have to look at that. Its in Chicago, which will be nice to visit. I would also like to go to  Power Exchange Summit. It’s in Columbus, OH. I always want to learn and dig deeper in my submission.

I am exclusively submissive in marriage. I am a submissive to Sir 24/7. I wear my collar 24/7. I personally believe you can’t get the whole effect of BDSM and D/s with only in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom you grow a bond that is like no other. You get stronger in your marriage. BDSM is not only about the kinky sex, its about growing a bond between your partner(s). I know it might be hard for married couples with children to do 24/7 but I would suggest try doing it as much as possible.

BDSM Community or BDSM Privately…

Disclaimer: There is no right way to practice BDSM. You do what feels right for you and your partner. There are no set rules. I am in no way trying to tell people how to live their BDSM life. I am simply giving my opinion on a subject. 

I went back and forth on whether or not to make the this post. I know it will probably offend and piss some people off. But before you unfollow me (LOL), just remember it’s only an opinion and opinions are like assholes everyone has one. 

BDSM Community

So, yes I’m on Fetlife. Yes, I have this blog. Yes, I have Twitter Account, and yes I socialize a lot on both. But I don’t spend my every waking second behind a computer. I am out in my local BDSM community participating in events such as Munches, Play Parties, Sub Lunches, Special Interest Group Events, etc.

I know people have their reasoning for not being involved in their local community. Careers or professions, living in a rural community that doesn’t have a BDSM community, or some communities are so tight knit that they do not appear open to newcomers. Actually I can’t say that I buy the whole Careers/profession excuse because I know plenty of Cops, Judges, Lawyers that are involved in the lifestyle. It’s all about anonymity and how you carry yourself. I don’t like to be photographed at events. At least until my retirement is finalized. But I take precautions I don’t ignore the events completely. How I feel about it might offend some people. You can practice BDSM any way you want to. There are no set rules but I don’t see how these “closeted” people know what they are doing without seeing it in real life. Ya Know going and having conversations with real life people that are involved in the lifestyle.

Sir and I are strong believers in being involved in your local community. We try to attend as many events as we can. We go to munches and play parties, not to play but to socialize with our friends. We aren’t big into watching others play we mainly go for the socialization. Talking about our common interests with other people has helped our relationship grow. I attend Sub lunches and other events that are made specifically for subs, bottoms, switches in bottom mode…pretty much anyone on the right side of the slash. Its helpful when you have sub issues that you want to discuss and they’ve all been there and can give you real advice not something that’s in a book. Last week we went bowling, it was so much fun. I haven’t been bowling in so long. I sucked majorly but that wasn’t the point of going. I met two new subs and were able to talk to the ones that I already knew from other events. I had been participating in a two dog show trials that day so I was tired as hell. I really wanted to just go home and go to bed but I decided to go to the bowling event anyway and I’m glad I did. Our community is so open and receptive. We do events like that and we have a monthly forum where a topic is discussed by sub, Doms, and Switches separately then we get into a big group and discuss the topic. Its great to hear some peoples opinions on things or suggestions on how to do things. Because a lot of times its something you never thought of trying or doing.

Our first experience at going to a live event, which was a Slosh, was terrible. We went to the place, didn’t know anyone. We were quite overdressed and no one approached us. So we had one drink and left. After that I went on Fetlife and decided to reach out to the creator of the event. The next Slosh we attended we found him and he introduced us to everyone there. We had a really good time getting to know everyone and letting them get to know us. It was in a very vanilla setting (I mean hey it was a bar). But it was fun to discuss our different kinks and get ideas from some of the people there.

We will be attending our first conference-like event next month. We will have to travel for it seeing as it isn’t in our city. It’s only 1-2 hour drive. But we are so excited about going and meeting more people in the lifestyle and learning. It’s a Saturday event where during the day there are classes and at night there is a dungeon party. So we will only be up there Friday and Saturday night.

In end this post I guess is about being involved in your community. Do it! Don’t be afraid to get out there! Staying behind the computer isn’t a way to live out you BDSM life.