Define Your Kink: Day 2

Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how? Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just the bedroom?

Well first off I’m only submitting to my husband, LOL. But the characteristics of a Dominant that I like are confidence, one who’s not afraid to take charge of situations, who is strict. I kind of need strict because I can be hard headed at times. One that knows what he wants and just takes it. I think Sir is perfect for me. When he develops himself and knows exactly what he wants, I think we will be a powerful D/s couple. He likes going to local events and so do I. Our community is very active, there is something going on almost every day of the week. You learn so much from the people that’s been doing this longer than you. Its important to always learn. If someone says they know everything about BDSM and don’t need to learn, they are lying. You always want to grow and learn new things in your relationship. Next month we are going to Beat My Valentine in Indianapolis. We are very excited to attend. This year will be different, lol. Last year we had a major hiccup and wasn’t able to attend classes (Beat My Valentine…D/s event!!). I would like to attend more D/s events. In May I am going to a servants retreat in Indianapolis. I’d like to go to Kinky Kollege in March but we have to look at that. Its in Chicago, which will be nice to visit. I would also like to go to  Power Exchange Summit. It’s in Columbus, OH. I always want to learn and dig deeper in my submission.

I am exclusively submissive in marriage. I am a submissive to Sir 24/7. I wear my collar 24/7. I personally believe you can’t get the whole effect of BDSM and D/s with only in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom you grow a bond that is like no other. You get stronger in your marriage. BDSM is not only about the kinky sex, its about growing a bond between your partner(s). I know it might be hard for married couples with children to do 24/7 but I would suggest try doing it as much as possible.

Putting the pieces back together…

Well today’s post is gonna get a little mushy. I am talking about putting the pieces back together in our marriage and our D/s life. We are doing good with our marriage. We haven’t had time to look at the D/s part yet. Hopefully sometime this weekend. I have sat down with my former rules and kind of crossed out what I think is unrealistic or impossible because I have a job. I’m sure once Sir goes over it there will be more things crossed out. Sir is very serious about me not over doing it. And with me putting already putting in  a lot of time with the dogs it doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else.

I attended our local communities weekly coffee meeting last night. Sir worked a double so he couldn’t attend. It was nice to see people again. I had been gone from the local scene for a whole month while being in the hospital. I forgot how funny and great they are. Hopefully we can make it to the slosh on Friday night or the party on Saturday or maybe both. We will see what Sir says.

We are slowly starting to put the pieces together and I think that was what the problem was the first time. I think I was in too much of hurry to experience everything in this lifestyle. I got frustrated with Sir and that his timing wasn’t like my own. So now that we are on the same page we can start over again a little slower and a little bit wiser than we did before. I love Sir more than anything and I respect him. I trust him.

 

2016 Goal List—Update

Remember in January I made a post entitled 2016 Goal List Do-Over…. Where I put some goals for that I had for 2016. I also said in three months that I would give an update how I am doing on these goals. Well here we go…

Physical: I’m not really eating healthier. I am cooking more than I was before but not 2-3 times a week due to getting used to my new job and being at a desk for 8 hours, ugh! I did have a month stay in the hospital in April. Which is why I did not write a lot during that time.

Career: This whole section has changed drastically. I am now a Crime Analyst for our police department. It’s a $4 pay cut but it still offers insurance which is what I need badly and I still get to use my degree. So from Monday-Friday 8-4 I am working at our police headquarters. So that has put my dream of a kennel business on hold. I am still training. I will be training a puppy sometime starting in June. A high school friend of mine also has a dance school and is in need of dance instructors and I applied for that. The more money I make the more I can put towards my future business.

Dog Goals: Presco earned his CD title in March. We are going to go for Rally Advanced title in June and July. Heidi got her RA title in January. We are going to start on her Rally Excellent title in June and July. I may try to get her CD, I think she might be ready for that. Our working Boxer klub has been put on hold for a second. All members have been insanely busy but we are hoping to meet this month and work our dogs.

Life: Well I’ve tried to stay in better contact with my friends. Always feel like I am bothering them though even though they say I’m not. We haven’t really been active in the BDSM community at all this year. We plan on going to things but the weather is bad or we are too tired. But we really gotta get back into our community. Our rules and protocols will be changing due to me getting a job. I have had a reader ask me to post what a day in my life looks like. Once we get the new protocols and rules in order, I will make a post concerning that.

Travel: Is going perfect, I am going to the Boxer national this weekend. We are going to The Power Exchange Summit in Columbus, OH at the end of the month. In June we will be going to a USA BOX show in Wisconsin, Capone will be trialing in Conformation. In July I will be going back to Columbus, OH for Thirty-One Conference.

Financial: Going in a totally different direction as well. With all the debt that me and Sir have acquired (mainly me) we both have decided that filing Bankruptcy is our final option to start over. However we don’t qualify for Chapter 7 because we both make too much money. So we have to file Chapter 13, which is a repayment plan. Creditors will be repaid in full but not at the interest rate that they want. We have a great lawyer that’s guiding us through the process. The whole repayment plan will be a 5 year deal and a payment that we can afford. If you are young and reading this make sure you get your finances together and don’t fall in the trap of credit cards, they are the devil. They will do nothing but hurt your credit or cause you to be obsessed with them and get too many like I did.

So overall my thoughts about my personal growth so far is “life happens”, all the plans I had kind of changed because of getting this new job, hospital stays, etc. You can plan out how you want your life to go but in the end it can change within a blink of an eye so don’t get so caught up on plans. Again in another three months I will make another update concerning my personal growth.

BDSM Community or BDSM Privately…

Disclaimer: There is no right way to practice BDSM. You do what feels right for you and your partner. There are no set rules. I am in no way trying to tell people how to live their BDSM life. I am simply giving my opinion on a subject. 

I went back and forth on whether or not to make the this post. I know it will probably offend and piss some people off. But before you unfollow me (LOL), just remember it’s only an opinion and opinions are like assholes everyone has one. 

BDSM Community

So, yes I’m on Fetlife. Yes, I have this blog. Yes, I have Twitter Account, and yes I socialize a lot on both. But I don’t spend my every waking second behind a computer. I am out in my local BDSM community participating in events such as Munches, Play Parties, Sub Lunches, Special Interest Group Events, etc.

I know people have their reasoning for not being involved in their local community. Careers or professions, living in a rural community that doesn’t have a BDSM community, or some communities are so tight knit that they do not appear open to newcomers. Actually I can’t say that I buy the whole Careers/profession excuse because I know plenty of Cops, Judges, Lawyers that are involved in the lifestyle. It’s all about anonymity and how you carry yourself. I don’t like to be photographed at events. At least until my retirement is finalized. But I take precautions I don’t ignore the events completely. How I feel about it might offend some people. You can practice BDSM any way you want to. There are no set rules but I don’t see how these “closeted” people know what they are doing without seeing it in real life. Ya Know going and having conversations with real life people that are involved in the lifestyle.

Sir and I are strong believers in being involved in your local community. We try to attend as many events as we can. We go to munches and play parties, not to play but to socialize with our friends. We aren’t big into watching others play we mainly go for the socialization. Talking about our common interests with other people has helped our relationship grow. I attend Sub lunches and other events that are made specifically for subs, bottoms, switches in bottom mode…pretty much anyone on the right side of the slash. Its helpful when you have sub issues that you want to discuss and they’ve all been there and can give you real advice not something that’s in a book. Last week we went bowling, it was so much fun. I haven’t been bowling in so long. I sucked majorly but that wasn’t the point of going. I met two new subs and were able to talk to the ones that I already knew from other events. I had been participating in a two dog show trials that day so I was tired as hell. I really wanted to just go home and go to bed but I decided to go to the bowling event anyway and I’m glad I did. Our community is so open and receptive. We do events like that and we have a monthly forum where a topic is discussed by sub, Doms, and Switches separately then we get into a big group and discuss the topic. Its great to hear some peoples opinions on things or suggestions on how to do things. Because a lot of times its something you never thought of trying or doing.

Our first experience at going to a live event, which was a Slosh, was terrible. We went to the place, didn’t know anyone. We were quite overdressed and no one approached us. So we had one drink and left. After that I went on Fetlife and decided to reach out to the creator of the event. The next Slosh we attended we found him and he introduced us to everyone there. We had a really good time getting to know everyone and letting them get to know us. It was in a very vanilla setting (I mean hey it was a bar). But it was fun to discuss our different kinks and get ideas from some of the people there.

We will be attending our first conference-like event next month. We will have to travel for it seeing as it isn’t in our city. It’s only 1-2 hour drive. But we are so excited about going and meeting more people in the lifestyle and learning. It’s a Saturday event where during the day there are classes and at night there is a dungeon party. So we will only be up there Friday and Saturday night.

In end this post I guess is about being involved in your community. Do it! Don’t be afraid to get out there! Staying behind the computer isn’t a way to live out you BDSM life.

It’s Monday…ugh!

Well it’s Monday…and I haven’t had my coffee yet. I think writing is a little dangerous right now LOL but I’m going to do it anyway. Maybe watching a the Halloween marathon on AMC will help. Well this weekend was a little busy. I had a submissive’s lunch on Saturday and on Sunday I attended my first SIG Discussion.

I’m so glad that our community has started to have submissive lunches. They are so much fun, we go to a different restaurant every time. It’s great getting to meet other submissives and talk about all the events that are happening. There are so many things happening in 2016, Sir has to choose which ones we are going to attend.

SIG is Special Interest Groups. Its where Dominants, Switches, and submissives get together and discuss a topic. We split up into our separate groups and discuss the topic then we get back together and have a big group discussion. It was my first one. It was pretty awesome. It was very engaging. I met some really cool people and saw some people I already knew. Conversation was great. I still get a little nervous when I have to say that I am a police officer. One of the topics yesterday was “What do you do if the police come to your house?” so I answered as a police officer and what I would accept. They seemed very grateful for my point of view and some didn’t even know that consensual beating was illegal. I will definitely be going to the next one where we will talk about grief.

As far as today is concerned, I’ve been feeling a little weak and tired the past couple of days. Having 3 dogs, it takes a while getting used to. Especially training a new puppy. So today I am going to focus on cleaning the house. Sir has given me some tasks to complete. I also have physical therapy for knee and hip today. Not really a busy day. But I think it is going to be tiring. It takes me twice as long to clean the house as it would a normal person because I have to take breaks. But anyway Happy Monday to all!!