I have a friend that was told that she wasn’t a good submissive because she didn’t do some things that the other submissive did with her Sir. I have a problem with this. Everyone’s D/s relationship is different and you cannot judge someone on things that are consensual between partners.
I, too in the beginning would judge how submissives would act in public with their Doms. I wouldn’t tell them this in person but later I would talk to Sir about it and he would always say “That’s their thing, it doesn’t concern us,”. I quickly grew out of it when I started chatting with my sub mom. I call her my sub mom because she is more of a mentor to me. I came to learn that everyone’s dynamic is different and people don’t have to act the same. For example We are not poly (meaning you have more than one partner), I don’t knock someone for being poly it’s just not my thing. My sub mom is poly and I love her to pieces. I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong because of our differences.But this sub shaming has got to stop. I see it everyday in the groups Im involved in on Facebook and Fetlife. As long asthe sub isnt doing anything against their will then its not for you to tell them something is wrong. Again I stresd that everyones D/s relationship is different. Its fitted to mold to the one involved in the relationship and thats what I truly love about this lifestyle. What works you and yours may not work for me and mine but having the knowledge that it exists is extraordinarily powerful I feel. As a submissive I feel that knowledge is our power, the more we know about D/s the more we can shape it with our partner (s). Wither its readin a book, following a blog or just cruising the internet, educate yourself. I personally like The Submissive Guide website. They have a lot of great articles. So go educate yourself.