Real Life Sets In….

So, today I volunteered to do domestic violence scenarios with our latest recruits. It was nice but made me miss being a police officer so much. Is there any way I can come back? Is all I kept thinking. I was talking to all the other role players which are sworn and my friends. They were saying it sucks that the department didn’t make accommodations for me because they’ve done it before. They all suggested I talk to our FOP President and see what can be done.

Well I finally heard back from him after having a glimmer of hope that I might be able to return to my position as a sworn police officer and be put off the street. He said it was impossible. The department does not have to accommodate me, and they probably won’t even entertain the idea because the need right now is on patrol. If I can get medically cleared totally it’s the only way. To go back to patrol and apply for detectives positions and hope I get one. Don’t know if my doctor will agree to that.

I should just let it go. Stay where I am. I just can’t let go. This was my dream for such a long time. I haven’t even turned in all my stuff yet. I will when I’m ready I guess. I just need to face facts. I am no longer a police officer and that part of my life is over. Get used to being in the civilian world and helping out the recruits when I can.

Its just been a really weird emotional day and Sir is working a double shift so I will be by myself all night with the doggies. Sometimes I hate being by myself. Especially when I feel so down. Maybe watching a good scary movie will help change my mood.

Putting the pieces back together…

Well today’s post is gonna get a little mushy. I am talking about putting the pieces back together in our marriage and our D/s life. We are doing good with our marriage. We haven’t had time to look at the D/s part yet. Hopefully sometime this weekend. I have sat down with my former rules and kind of crossed out what I think is unrealistic or impossible because I have a job. I’m sure once Sir goes over it there will be more things crossed out. Sir is very serious about me not over doing it. And with me putting already putting in  a lot of time with the dogs it doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else.

I attended our local communities weekly coffee meeting last night. Sir worked a double so he couldn’t attend. It was nice to see people again. I had been gone from the local scene for a whole month while being in the hospital. I forgot how funny and great they are. Hopefully we can make it to the slosh on Friday night or the party on Saturday or maybe both. We will see what Sir says.

We are slowly starting to put the pieces together and I think that was what the problem was the first time. I think I was in too much of hurry to experience everything in this lifestyle. I got frustrated with Sir and that his timing wasn’t like my own. So now that we are on the same page we can start over again a little slower and a little bit wiser than we did before. I love Sir more than anything and I respect him. I trust him.


Happy Blogaversary!!!

One year later…

128 Posts


Thank you guys so much for reading my blog. You are the reason I continue to do this. I have meet some remarkable people on this year long journey. I hope to continue writing and bettering myself at the skill. I don’t plan on doing any novel writing just getting in touch with my submissive self. Again THANK YOU so much for reading my blog and hanging in there with me through the good times and the bad. I hope you continue to enjoy my writings!


Dear Newly Submissive Married Woman,

This is great for new and old people in D/s. Please read it. Great information!

The Submission of Elle

We need to talk; girl to girl, wife to wife, sub to sub. I have so much I need to tell you and you’ve been on my mind for a while. You deserve to hear the unadulterated truth about this new world you’ve chosen to pursue. It’s not as easy as being handed a key by your husband and unlocking a jewelry box filled with priceless gems. The overwhelming majority of you will have to carefully and strategically ease open this particular oyster that both you and your husband dug for together in order to acquire the precious pearl and you’ll have to use specific tools and techniques. Some of you may even open your own personal Pandora’s Box. Epimetheus insisted that his wife, Pandora, obey the letter of the label. Epimetheus left for a few hours, but Pandora’s gift of curiosity took over. The box was entrusted to them by Zeus, but she felt Zeus was wrong…

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“My Dog is better than your dog”….

Not really. I’m not snobbish like that but there are some people out there like that. I ran into them at this weekends American Boxer Specialty. So I will give you a play by play, with pictures….

So Friday I worked 6-2 so I could get on the road. I got home got me and Capone packed for the weekend and headed to our destination. We got there and in our room about 8:30pm. Our roommates Christina and Killian got there around 9:00pm. Me and Christina went to the hotel restaurant for dinner leaving Mr. Capone and Mr. K to catch up with each other since their last visit in February.

Saturday, we started bright and early because Obedience started at 9am. Capone was entered in Beginner Novice, which didn’t show until around 10 but I wanted to get there and watch my friends compete. It was very nice. We did not qualify in Beginner Novice because during the Sit Stay and walk around the ring Capone thought I was walking out of the ring and ran to follow me. But here are some pics from that day:

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And here are some pics from Rally Novice (in the afternoon)…It got a little chilly so I put on a jacket and if you haven’t noticed it yet, look at what I’m wearing around my neck (above, you can’t see it with the jacket on)…..We qualified in Rally Novice for our 2nd leg (you need 3 legs in order to get your title)

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Capone did really nicely in Rally. But on Sunday he really did nice. He qualified in Beginner Novice…here are some pics of that..

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And Rally Novice..We qualified and Titled.. Capone is now Int. CH Ciceron Kamenicki RN..

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All in all it was a fun weekend. Did run into one problem but we got her straightened out. I know a lot of people don’t there don’t like the fact that I have a European dog but hey my dog is awesome and I don’t care. Don’t be coming up to me talking about how bad my dog is because he’s European…fact check: the Boxer was originally bred in Europe dumbass! Ok I’m a end my rant there. But I did see a lot of old friends and made some new ones. I was very much impressed with Capone’s performance for him being only 11 Months old and not having any training the whole month of April he did a good job. Wish I got to stay the entire week instead of just the weekend. Oh well, it’s Monday and back to real life of work..ugh!!! Happy Monday!


The Hustle and Bustle of Life…

It’s hard being a submissive/slave with the hustle and bustle of life. At least I am finding it hard. Sir has postponed protocol until we have time to sit down and discuss my rules since I am working now. It’s awkward not doing things but to be honest between getting used to a new job and the dogs and being in the hospital for the month of April it is a relief.

I took my collar off when I had my mid life crisis (Mid-Life Crisis…) so I haven’t worn it and honestly I think that is what might be bothering me the most. I don’t feel like a submissive because I don’t have my collar on and I don’t have time to be a submissive right now. But after this weekend, things should be getting back to normal and hopefully I’m stronger and we can sit and talk and return to protocols. I miss them.

I just decided to write this small post because I’m sitting here at work and it is dead. This is my last hour and I know it’s going to go by slow. Sir said we would talk tonight before I leave for the dog show in Indianapolis (a two hour drive). Hopefully he will allow me to wear it.

So what else is going on, well it’s also Derby weekend here in Louisville. Yep we are the city that parties for two weeks straight only for 2 minutes of horse racing. Brings in a lot of celebrities. The Pegasus Parade was yesterday and guess what we had a double shooting. Some 14 year old piece of crap gang member shot two people for a gang retaliation. Ok for one this kid was stupid as hell does he not know the entire police department was at the parade minus the minimums that was on the beat. I mean you shoot someone in the middle of a parade surrounded by officers you are gonna get caught. So with the whole world watching us this week because of the Derby, we have a double shooting, how embarrassing for our city!

I am very excited about going to  The Power Exchange Summit. I think both me and Sir will benefit from the classes and the experience in general. I really want to meet Dawn the co-creator of the event. I was supposed to go to a submissive intensive that she had put on in April but I was in the hospital and couldn’t go. I was so upset. But here’s a second opportunity to meet her. She’s a slave and I follow her and husband/Sir teachings. They wrote a book called “Living M/s” check it out, its a really great book. I read it in like two sittings, I was that much into it. Well I think I’ve written as much as I can for now. Look for a follow up post about this weekend and how Mr. Capone does. Have a great weekend guys!!!

2016 Goal List—Update

Remember in January I made a post entitled 2016 Goal List Do-Over…. Where I put some goals for that I had for 2016. I also said in three months that I would give an update how I am doing on these goals. Well here we go…

Physical: I’m not really eating healthier. I am cooking more than I was before but not 2-3 times a week due to getting used to my new job and being at a desk for 8 hours, ugh! I did have a month stay in the hospital in April. Which is why I did not write a lot during that time.

Career: This whole section has changed drastically. I am now a Crime Analyst for our police department. It’s a $4 pay cut but it still offers insurance which is what I need badly and I still get to use my degree. So from Monday-Friday 8-4 I am working at our police headquarters. So that has put my dream of a kennel business on hold. I am still training. I will be training a puppy sometime starting in June. A high school friend of mine also has a dance school and is in need of dance instructors and I applied for that. The more money I make the more I can put towards my future business.

Dog Goals: Presco earned his CD title in March. We are going to go for Rally Advanced title in June and July. Heidi got her RA title in January. We are going to start on her Rally Excellent title in June and July. I may try to get her CD, I think she might be ready for that. Our working Boxer klub has been put on hold for a second. All members have been insanely busy but we are hoping to meet this month and work our dogs.

Life: Well I’ve tried to stay in better contact with my friends. Always feel like I am bothering them though even though they say I’m not. We haven’t really been active in the BDSM community at all this year. We plan on going to things but the weather is bad or we are too tired. But we really gotta get back into our community. Our rules and protocols will be changing due to me getting a job. I have had a reader ask me to post what a day in my life looks like. Once we get the new protocols and rules in order, I will make a post concerning that.

Travel: Is going perfect, I am going to the Boxer national this weekend. We are going to The Power Exchange Summit in Columbus, OH at the end of the month. In June we will be going to a USA BOX show in Wisconsin, Capone will be trialing in Conformation. In July I will be going back to Columbus, OH for Thirty-One Conference.

Financial: Going in a totally different direction as well. With all the debt that me and Sir have acquired (mainly me) we both have decided that filing Bankruptcy is our final option to start over. However we don’t qualify for Chapter 7 because we both make too much money. So we have to file Chapter 13, which is a repayment plan. Creditors will be repaid in full but not at the interest rate that they want. We have a great lawyer that’s guiding us through the process. The whole repayment plan will be a 5 year deal and a payment that we can afford. If you are young and reading this make sure you get your finances together and don’t fall in the trap of credit cards, they are the devil. They will do nothing but hurt your credit or cause you to be obsessed with them and get too many like I did.

So overall my thoughts about my personal growth so far is “life happens”, all the plans I had kind of changed because of getting this new job, hospital stays, etc. You can plan out how you want your life to go but in the end it can change within a blink of an eye so don’t get so caught up on plans. Again in another three months I will make another update concerning my personal growth.