So now for a serious post. I am feeling like I’m not being as good of a submissive as I could be. I have been thinking about it. I haven’t been offering myself to Sir like I should be. I should offer myself to him every day. In the beginning I did the morning send off religiously. Now I’ve gotten laxed and only do it when Sir asks for it. He shouldn’t have to ask for it. It should be automatic. I just had this realization. Part of the reason I’ve become laxed is my health hasn’t been the best in the past couple of weeks. The closer I get to time for my Infusion the more breakthrough pain or fatigue I get and I had my infusion Friday so I should be feeling better. But that is only half of the story.
I still feel a little amateur-ish in the area of sucking cock. Sir thinks I do great, and I guess that’s all that matters really. but I read a lot of other people’s blogs and it seems like they suck their master’s cock all the time. I don’t really and I think it’s my fault. I don’t offer to suck his cock. I’m sure he’d like it if I did it more. I guess I need to get my little submissive ass in gear. I mean really the other day he to ask for it and I felt so bad. 1. He shouldn’t be ASKING for it, he should be demanding if anything. But he shouldn’t even have to be doing that.
I always thought that I was terrible at sucking cock and I guess I’ve let that fear take over myself. I’m guessing the more I do it the more comfortable I will be. But again it’s not about wither or not I feel comfortable, its about pleasing my Sir. But how am I supposed to do that when I feel like I’m not good at something? Even though Sir says it’s great, I feel like its not up to par. That I could be better. I guess every submissive should have a goal or something they want to improve on. I don’t know exactly what I do wrong when I’m doing it but I feel like something could be better. It might be the perfectionist in me, I don’t know.
Sir has been very lenient on me the past few weeks because of my health. But in a couple days I will be back to my normal self and I look forward to being a better submissive for my Sir. I hate it when my health gets in the way of my submission. Once you get into a rhythm of something and things are routine then Lupus comes and screws it all up. What do you do as a submissive when you feel like you aren’t enough or that you are broken???? Would love to get some feedback from any fellow submissives who read this blog.