So I’ve been asked about my health a lot here lately. How am I able to participate in BDSM activities when I have a disease such as Lupus and Fibromyalgia? I take a lot of medication a day to try to keep my Lupus and Fibromyalgia in check and I take a monthly infusion but even then sometimes there are breakthrough flares of pain and fatigue that do incapacitates me.
I’ve been pondering how to respond to this for a while and I’ve been writing this piece for a while. It’s a hard question to answer but here goes:
- I have a very loving and caring Dominant/Husband. He is aware when I don’t feel good even when I don’t tell him. During those times he takes it pretty easy on me as far as protocol and if he sees that sexual activity is not an option he is ok with that. He always says my health comes first. This is the reason that I am retiring from my job as a Police Officer and coming home to focus on getting healthy and staying that way. I still believe my calling is to serve Sir. That is my number one concern. I don’t always let him know when my body is betraying me but he always seems to tell. I guess that knowing your submissive/wife well.
- Just because I’m a submissive doesn’t mean I’m a masochist. Don’t get me wrong I like a little pain but I don’t crave it ALL the time. I love impact toys, Paddles, Floggers, I’m all down for to a certain extent. I do hope to widen my threshold for pain but its not something that I crave. I wouldn’t consider myself a masochist. Actually at play parties it’s a little hard for me to watch a scene where someone is being flogged or whipped for a long period of time. But I will get better at that the more I am exposed to it I suppose. Plus to go along with this there is good pain and bad pain. Lupus and Fibromyalgia pain are bad. They are debilitating. The pain you get from being flogged is good pain. It makes you feel good. Euphoric in a way.
- It is frustrating when my health gets in the way. Its EXTREMELY frustrating! Because it seems like the times I want to play and be used I can’t because something is hurt. I’m sure its frustrating for Sir as well. I know we don’t get to play as much as he would like because of my health situation.
- Knowing that I am not alone. I am part of a group on Fetlife for Lupus called “Lupus In the Lifestyle”. This group helps so much even if I am just frustrated that I can’t play and I want to go in there and vent. The ladies in this group have helped me out so much in dealing with Lupus in this lifestyle. There is also another group “Fibromyalgia and Kink”, that I get a lot of support from.
- My submission is not always about play. It’s about how best I can serve my Sir. How I can make his life easier. If for some reason I can’t have sex, there are plenty of alternatives that can happen. We are in this thing 24/7 and there is definitely more to our D/s relationship than the BDSM part of it.
I think that I answered the question as best I could but if anyone has anymore questions about Lupus/Fibromyalgia in the lifestyle please comment or message me. I have no problem talking about it.
So, Sir has given me a new rule, since finding out that I have been paying $80 a month for a gym membership that I haven’t used in almost a year. I am now to go to the gym 3 days a week and workout for at least an hour.
I am glad that Sir made this a rule. I love my gym, I had just forgotten that I was still paying for it. My gym is great, its very clean which is good for me because I am a big germaphobe. They have a million classes that you can take, so I can go do cardio for 30 minutes and then take a nice Yoga or Pilates class or a Hip Hop Dance class. Its pretty awesome. They have a nice walking track upstairs. They have a nice little Cafe’ where you can buy healthy snacks and shakes. They even have healthy Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinners and plenty of fruit. Then it also has a Spa which offers discounted prices to members you can get a Massage, waxes, manicures, and pedicures, etc. They are always having special workshops on nutrition and stuff. Like I said its a fabulous gym.
I’m excited to be going back and getting healthy again. Cause lets face it the past year it has not been healthy at all. Eating Oreos and McDonald’s all the time is not a way to live. Even though Sir doesn’t have a problem with my weight. I do. And I want to look my best for Sir and right now I don’t feel like i’m at my best. I want to look like I did at our wedding. I think I was a nice size then, maybe not as skinny. I think this will also help my Lupus and Fibromyalgia for me to be a little more active with my joints.
So I need to fit going to the gym into my schedule. I’m thinking Monday, Wednesday, Fridays early in the morning like 8:00-9:00a and depending on the classes that I want to take weekly. I’m really excited and can’t wait. I am going to start tomorrow. Woohoo! All these new things happening, Dog training business, going back to the gym,. WooHoo.
Just feeling in one of those moods…except this should probably be “i wanna be fucked like an animal”, by Sir of course 😆
So, Saturday we attended our second play party. It was a lot of fun. Very different from the last. A guy from out of town hosted it. He played better music and was very sociable with us. There were more people at this play party. I wore my new pink corset and some heels that was way too much, I had to take them off soon after I got there, a little embarrassing. But perfectly alright. There were also more play stations then at the first one. We watched the spanking horse in use, two people use the St.Andrews cross. and all kinds of rope rigging. We are hopefully attending our first rope class tomorrow night, if Sir is feeling better.
There were so many different people there it was amazing. I am always in awe when we go to these things. Everyone is so welcoming and friendly. We definitely dig the crowd. We haven’t gotten enough courage yet to really do a full scene yet. I know we will get there eventually. I would probably like our first scene to be on the St Andrews Cross. Doing some flogging, crop work. But of course that is for Sir to decide.
We are starting to get more involved in the community we plan on starting to attend Rope class on Tuesday nights, and Humpday Coffee on Wednesday nights. Its kind of like this group is one big family and they have a lot of events that happen throughout the month. We went to our first Humpday Coffee last week and it was so much fun, we met so many nice people. It was at the Homemade Pie and Ice Cream Kitchen. Which had amazing food. So it was good food and good conversation. I think I might have even gotten a couple of Thirty-One customers.
So, a couple of days ago my dog breeder called me. She wants me to start keeping puppies for a month and leash training, teaching them to sit, stand, and down. I will start with her puppies and she will pay me to do so. She has two that she wants me to train. Then she will recommend me to the people that she gives puppies to. She said they always ask her to keep the puppy for a month to train it a little better. Her clientele are kind of on the wealthy side, I mean they are paying $1500-$2500 for a Boxer puppy. So I’m sure they don’t mind sending the pup to me for a month for training and paying me for it. I have to figure out a price to charge though. I am going to go up and visit my breeder this week and talk to her about it. So I will be doing something that I love doing, working with Boxer pups.
I talked a little more with my breeder and I am charging her $250 per puppy that she wants me to train. She wants me to train one puppy starting in October. Then she will start recommending me to her customers. Some of them want titles on their dogs which definitely would cost more per title. Like $100 more per title, plus show entry fees and my travel expenses. But any who, I was just so excited about this opportunity, I had to write about it. Ta ta for now!
OK, I know that I have kind of neglected my blog a little bit. There really is no good reason except that I have been busy with life. And not in the D/s since. So I decided to try to explain what’s been going on the past few weeks. To be honest I really haven’t felt like my kinky-self. With good reason, we haven’t really played in a while.
Well my health has been an issue the past couple of weeks. I think I’ve been in the emergency room 3 times. I’ve had a lot of procedures done to rule things out. They turned out good! But I still have been feeling bad and Sir has seen that. He’s been extra caring with me. He’s such a good Sir. But I feel guilty that I can’t be the submissive he deserves sometimes. This damn disease makes me so pissed off sometimes. Sir has been so understanding. I got my monthly infusion on Friday, had a Vendor Show on Saturday, and a Launch Party on Saturday. Normally the day after my infusion I am dead dog tired and sometimes a little sick. So having this busy schedule was not a good thing. I had actually forgotten that my infusion was Friday, I thought it was earlier in the week and I would have time to recuperate. Friday night we were able to set up for the Vendor Event that was to last from 9-5p on Saturday. Sir was really helpful in helping me get my booth set up. So that took a little stress off of me, all I had to do was show up Saturday morning. The show went ok, I got only one sale but made a lot of contacts.
So after the fair I had the launch party at my house at 6:30PM so I had to take down my booth, load it in my car, and drive back all the way across town and set it all back up in my basement. Sir was only able to help set it up at home. He didn’t get off work until 5 and we were done at the show at 4:30p. But I had some nice Mary Kay reps help me take things to my car. Meanwhile, I start getting texts from my guest saying that they can’t make it, or something has come up. By the end of it there was only one guest and my sister-in-law that was coming. My friend that was coming had never seen Thirty-One so I decided to just do an educational thing to tell her about all the products we had. By the end of the presentation she was wanting to sign up to be a Consultant. I was thrilled. Definitely didn’t expect that. She wants to talk it over with her husband and I will be following up with her on Wednesday. So happy about her joining up.
But anyway, I was so tired after they left. I was tired and sore.
Sorry about this rambling post but I felt like I had to get it out.
Today, I am feeling much better. I rested all day Sunday. I don’t really have much to do today so I think that I am going to concentrate on getting back into my submissive mode. Hopefully soon will have some kink-related things to write about. I know I’m boring you all with this vanilla stuff. LOL.
Ok, so me and Sir are a part of small group at our church. We haven’t been to our groups meetings in a LONG time. Since before we decided to live a D/s lifestyle. So needless to say I was a little nervous about wearing my collar.
So we got there last night and all was normal. People were happy to see us again. There were A LOT of new faces and some old ones. It was a nice time. I was talking to the group leaders wife and she looked at my collar and asked “Hey what is that thing?” and I was like “Umnn, well..” I hadn’t really rehearsed an answer but I managed to stammer out that it was just a necklace. Later the boys and girls split up into two groups. Another girl asked if the collar was medical or if it was a necklace. I told her it was a necklace. Laughing inside all the time.
We figure that we should keep our lifestyle choice under wraps to the small group. I mean if they ask us about it, then we definitely will tell them. We aren’t ashamed or embarrassed. It’s just not something that we are going to bring up. Plus we haven’t really conquered explaining it to vanilla people yet. Yeah I’ve told some of my vanilla friends but they are people that I know wouldn’t judge and would understand. Don’t really know how the church people will respond to me called Sir, Sir.
So I just thought I’d write about my experience there. So now that we are back in group. We will be there every Tuesday night.
Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
No not really. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 17. Didn’t really have what I would call kinky sex until I was in my twenties. I think my first time being tied up is a good contender for this question. I liked it way too much! LOL. Still do!
Ok, I know I’m a little behind..gonna play catch up today.
How did you discover you were kinky?
I always knew I liked kink…when I was a teenager I thought something was wrong with me. I would watch the “Red Shoe Diaries” show (come on don’t act like you don’t know it…lol) and I’d wish to be the ladies in the show with the masculine men taking control of them.
As I got older I realized that more of my friends liked kinky stuff as well so I didn’t feel like I was so weird anymore.
That’s about it.
Ok, so the past couple of weeks I’ve had some medical procedures done and have been in the ER. So Sir took my collar off. I honestly did not feel like I was a submissive without. I was so used to its weight as a reminder of my submission. I think I even had a little anxiety about not having it on.
Finally this morning Sir put it back on and now I feel like a submissive again. I feel like I need to make up for the weeks I didn’t feel totally submissive to Sir. He was more than understanding that I was going through some medical issues. I have the best Sir, he takes care of me so much when I am not feeling well and is always supporting me especially in my Thirty-One Business. I love him so much.
Yeah I just felt like saying that it was very strange not having my collar on. I felt naked and not in a good way. LOL