So, I’m doing my first Wicked Wednesday prompt. The topic this week is disability….something I know all too well. Seeing as I am taking a disability retirement from my job.
So where do I begin….I probably should have retired medically sooner. I was afraid of being labeled disabled at such a young age. I didn’t want to face up to it so I kept on going, pushing through. Going to work when I wasn’t feeling good, when I knew I should be in bed resting. When I knew I couldn’t protect and serve. Just hoping that nothing serious would happen on the job. Nobody knows about that struggle except for Sir. So no one saw when I was throwing up behind my car…or in so much pain I was in tears. Nope, nobody saw that. I ALWAYS put the job first. I had wanted this career since I was 16 years old. I was going to fight my hardest to stay. So realizing that I could not physically do my job anymore hurts. I am still dealing with the reality of the situation. And I’m glad I have my therapist to guide me through it.
When I did call in and was on sick leave no one believed I was sick because they couldn’t see it. Lupus is called an invisible illness because you can’t physically see the marks it leaves. My Lupus attacks my Lungs, Joints, Blood, Digestive System, and now my Liver. You can’t see the damage its doing. So its hard for people to believe. Especially when there isn’t much talk about Lupus. When you hear someone has Cancer everyone feels sorry for them and they know its a serious disease because there is so much awareness about it. Lupus awareness doesn’t hold a candle to Cancer awareness and yet I feel it is as serious as Cancer. People die everyday from Lupus complications.
So here we are filing for medical disability retirement. I have to get all my medical records which consists of 9 specialist and over a span of 4 years. So that’s a lot of records to get together. Currently I am waiting on two doctors offices to get in touch with me to tell me that my medical records are ready. My Psychiatrist and my Gastroenterology Offices haven’t contacted me yet. But it hasn’t been a full two weeks yet either. I have all my other records ready to be sent to retirement board.
So lately disability has been a term used A LOT for me. I am no longer afraid of being labeled disabled. I am happy I got to do my job for the time I did. Its just something beyond my control. It’s not like I purposefully did something to get Lupus and become disabled. So I look forward to the new chapter of my life with Sir.