Black and White

In all my research that I have done so far on being a submissive, I have only come across two black females that are submissives/slaves and have white Dominants/Masters. Not that I care really but I would like to pick their brain a little about being involved in BDSM.

I am actually biracial, my mother was white and my father was black. I look African American so that’s what I check in the race box. My husband/Dom is white. It’s 2015 right, you would think that race wouldn’t matter. For the most part it doesn’t however, every now and then you will get those closed minded people who give you sideways glances and disapproving looks. I’ve always dated white guys, so I’ve always been aware of people and their stares. I am the first black girl that Sir has dated, so he doesn’t see it as much as I do. It doesn’t happen a whole lot. I mean it’s not like every time we go out with get the looks but every once in a while you will get them. Mainly from older generation of both white and black people t. It’s kind of like a little game we play, whenever we see people look at us weird we just hold hands and cuddle even more in front of them.

Something that I am excited about is in the BDSM community it doesn’t matter that I am Black and my Dom is white. Nobody judges. I am a little nervous about coming out to some of my close black girlfriends about our new dynamic. One, because traditionally us black women are seen as strong, independent and to outsiders of the BDSM world being submissive is looked at as being weak. No matter how you try to explain it to them. All they see is that you think you aren’t as important as the man in your relationship and that couldn’t be further from the truth. So I think I will just keep this a secret from my vanilla-chocolate friends, lol. I mean I trust telling them about our bedroom exploits but as far as the 24/7 dynamic…not as of yet.

As far as our D/s relationship goes, we both are comfortable with being Dominant/ Submissive versus being Master/Slave. One, Sir is not entirely comfortable with the dynamic and doesn’t like to be called Master. Two, I don’t feel like I identify with being a slave. I still have hard limits and soft limits. Will those eventually go away and will I identify more with being a slave? Possibly. We have nothing against the Master/Slave dynamic, its just not for us…as of yet at least. But for now we will be Dominant/Submissive.

If we get to the Master/Slave dynamic, I won’t feel anything about it. Some people would be like “With you being black, don’t you feel weird calling him Master and identifying yourself as a slave?”. Now before I knew any difference I probably would’ve been like “Hell Naw, he ain’t gonna be calling me no slave,” (lol in my best ghetto voice impression). But now my answer to that would be no. Because the dynamic of being owned in BDSM is not the same thing as the historical slavery. I read an article on Submissive Guide about being black and being owned, it was a great article. If this post intrigues anyone I definitely suggest you go check out the article at

Don’t really know why I just sit and think of things to write about…but this was on my list. Stay Kinky!

3 thoughts on “Black and White

  1. Any coming out to vanilla friends is insanely hard. They are always good with the kinky stuff but the actually submission (mental) they can never grasp. The M/s is not for everyone and honestly if sir asked me to call him master my stomach would turn. I think in hindsight the slave title is more for my protection. It’s me knowing that I have the trust in him to give him total control, but that’s only…. I guess ok with me, one because it’s this relationship and 2 because I’ve gotten into some serious trouble not being able to safe word out in the past. I do agree though some people are just….crap with narrow minds. Everyone deserves to be happy no matter who they choose! So best of luck to you and Sir. Grab his hand tight every chance you get.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First, no matter what your race, religion, sexuality, etc. may be, it’s always a VERY hard thing to come out to vanilla friends and/or family. They don’t understand nor have any type of thoughts to relate. Angel and I have only come out to a very few close friends. They dabble in the lifestyle so they understand. Angels’ mother also knows and understands exactly 0%.

    In today’s society, women, white or black, are supposed to “be strong and independent”. I find that submissive a are strong. Strong enough to know what they want. What excites them. What makes them feel comfortable. Complete. No matter what anyone says, the D/s dynamic, if done correctly, is NOT abuse in any way, shape or form.

    The other thing that Angel and I had to learn was that the labels of D/s are just that. Convenient labels. Styles and dynamics can mix and you need to find your own style. Angel is what I like to call, my baby girl slave. She has many baby girl traits and tendencies (not to be confused with being a little which she is not) along with some slave qualities. We live a mixture of both and have found our groove after we stopped trying to fit in a box.

    This life is a beautiful way of life. It is not for everyone, but for us it makes us very happy. Maybe one day we won’t have to be so subtle and quiet about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you! I didn’t know if I made any sense expressing myself with this post. I didn’t want to be taken the wrong way. Sometimes I have a hard time with that. I like what you said about not trying to fit in a box with the labels, makes complete sense. So far we are very happy with our choice to change our lifestyle. Right now we are just trying to absorb as much as we can from those around us and find out what works for us.

      Liked by 2 people

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